“He ran me over!”

Posted on February 17, 2016 by Badge415

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Just when I thought I’d seen it all.

The other night I went to a crash involving a pedestrian and a vehicle, which normally isn’t that big of a deal, except this one had a twist.

When I got to the call, the victim was being put inside the ambulance. I jumped inside and asked, “What happened?”

The man, who was homeless, was about 40 years old. He had an unkempt looking beard and smelled like he hadn’t had a bath in weeks. He also smelled like he’d been drinking beer all day long.

He told me about lying down in the parking lot and putting his head on the curb like it was a concrete pillow.

There was car parked parallel to the curb just south of where he was resting. A guy got into the driver seat and started the engine. At this point, it would’ve been a good idea to move, but he didn’t.

That’s when he said, “He ran me over!”

Now, it’s not every day you hear someone say that, so I tried to keep a straight face as I asked, “Where did the car run you over at?”

“Look at my leg. It doesn’t look like the other one.”

He was wearing pants but one leg was definitely bigger than the other. The victim said, “The guy was drinking.”

“How do you know?”

“We’re street people. We know these things.”

You just can’t make this stuff up.

The way a pursuit is supposed to sound

Posted on February 16, 2016 by Badge415

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What does the DJ of a classical music station sound like? Cool, calm, controlled and soothing are just a few things that come to mind.

Now, picture the voice on the radio of some cops during a pursuit……If you’re a cop, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re not, then you have to take my word on this one. The two don’t sound the same.

The other night I heard the best radio traffic ever in a pursuit. My friend Sean came on the radio and broadcasted every turn with the calmness of a classical music radio station DJ. His voice was so relaxed he sounded bored. He was even calm when he requested paramedics after the motorcycle crashed into a parked car.

I told him it seemed like this was his 500th pursuit. Another officer told Sean, ‘It was like you were watching the pursuit on TV and you were calling it from your couch.’

That was the best way to describe it.

We never pat our partners on the back when they do a good job. I’m here to say it. Good job Sean.

A great one-liner

Posted on February 13, 2016 by Badge415

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My friend Matt is the master of the quick-witted one-liner. In fact, if you’re not paying attention, he can zap you and walk away before you even know what hit you.

Yesterday he went to a crash where a psychic’s building was struck.

He walked up to the psychic and said, “I know you already know my name, but can I get yours?”

I’m still laughing…………

She was dumb

Posted on February 12, 2016 by Badge415

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Tonight, this woman had been stopped on a side street and wanted to make a left turn onto a busy street with a 40 mph speed limit. She started to turn and then stopped in the middle of the intersection when she saw cars coming from one direction. That’s when she got hit by a car coming from the opposite direction.

After I was done with the interviews she asked me who was at fault. I told her she had caused the accident by failing to yield to the other vehicle. Her face got serious as she clenched her jaw and squinted her eyes. Oh boy.

She said, “He saw me. He should’ve stopped.”

I pointed out that she was the one who got in the way when she pulled out in front of the car.I tried explaining it to her, but she didn’t want to hear it. All she could say was, “He should’ve been driving defensively.”

I almost laughed when I heard that. I surely would’ve choked if I had been drinking something at that moment.

Was this woman for real? I knew this was probably the dumbest thing I had heard all week. In fact, I think my IQ score dropped a few points just from hearing that.

At this point, all she wanted to do was argue. She had already made up her mind and there was nothing I could do to change it. That’s when I told her we were done talking about it.

The woman turned toward her damaged and uninsured vehicle as she walked away like a pouting child. She looked at her male passenger and said, “I don’t know why I’m a citizen of this country.”

Really? No one is keeping you here……

Now that was really the dumbest thing I had heard all week. I didn’t think it was possible she could top her previous comment, but she did.

I turned toward my friend Miguel and said, “She’s definitely going to make the blog.”

Badge415 hit 200 posts

Posted on February 10, 2016 by Badge415

Last night I clicked the “publish” button after finishing another blog post and a notification popped up from WordPress. It said this was Badge415’s 200th post.

I looked at the screen for a moment and wondered if this was correct. I had no idea there were 199 posts before yesterday. Where did the time go?

For blog post # 201, I just wanted to say thank you to all of the readers who follow Badge415. I appreciate all of the compliments, Retweets, comments and Facebook shares.

Keep reading and sharing Badge415 with friends and family……We’ll get to 300 in no time.

She was a train wreck

Posted on February 9, 2016 by Badge415

It’s always entertaining to see a person make a complete fool of themselves after drinking too much. The other night, I pulled up to a single vehicle collision on a residential street. The driver, who had been drinking, was speaking with officers. His girlfriend was standing off to the side with another officer.

As I walked up, there was one thing that stood out about them. Their emotions were like night and day. He was calm and respectful. She on the other hand, was a bloody hot mess that reminded me of a train wreck.

I’m not talking about a regular train wreck. I’m talking about a multi-casualty train wreck with hazardous materials and farm animals on board.

The woman was wearing a dress and had dried blood covering her left leg from her toes all the way up the thigh. It wasn’t just a little bit of blood. It was a lot of blood.

Her right leg was also covered in blood, but not as bad as the “Friday the 13th” thing that she had going on with her left leg. She looked straight out of a 1980s horror movie.

She had blood smeared across her neck with a small flap of skin peeled back and hanging just under her chin. She had a ton of snot running out of her nose onto her upper lip. This look was completed by 20 minutes of non-stop crying as she asked to stand next to her boyfriend.

At first she claimed she had fallen, but she later admitted to being in a fight with her sister. That explained the flap of skin on her neck where she must’ve been clawed during the fight. She also told us she wasn’t in the vehicle when the crash occurred, but we learned that was a lie too.

Just in case, I asked the woman if her boyfriend had done this to her. Her face turned serious as she looked over at him and said, “I’d tell you if that motherfucker did this to me.” I almost laughed at the way she said it.

She then went back to crying and sobbing as she said, “I want to stand next to him.” Talk about a mood swing. At one point, she told an officer she needed a hug. She looked like Frankenstein with her arms sticking straight out as she walked toward the cop for her hug.

I wondered if her boyfriend secretly hoped he’d get arrested just to get a night away from her. Later on she said, “I’m not drunk.”

There’s one thing for sure about this particular call. You just can’t beat watching a drunk and bloody woman trying to get a hug from a cop at 2:30AM. It was priceless.

By the way, she refused help from the fire department.

Give me $25

Posted on February 1, 2016 by Badge415

You never know what you’re going to see when driving around on patrol. The other night, I was driving down the street when I saw a car with the word “STOP” mounted on the rear window.

When the car slowed down, its regular red stop lamps came on like normal. A blue lighted “STOP” also came on. Even though it was kind of funny to see, a blue light is not allowed on a car.

I activated my lights and stopped the vehicle. I walked up to the driver and said, “I stopped you because of the blue light you have in the window.” I went on to explain why the blue light was illegal on the vehicle.

“Okay officer. I can discount connect it right now.”

“Do you have a driver’s license?” I asked.

“Yes,” the driver said as he reached into his wallet and showed me. That’s when the driver pointed to his back window and said, “I have a red one I can put on instead.”

“Okay. A red light will work.” I found it interesting he had different colors on demand. What other lighting fixtures did he have with him?

The driver then said, “Give me $25 for this one and you can have it.”

“No, that’s okay,” I replied.

“Come on officer. Just give me $25 for the light.”

“No, I don’t need it.”

“Just $25.”

His pleading voice was begging me to buy it from him. The car stop turned weird at that moment. If just goes to show that you never know what people are going to say at work.

Don’t mess with the Bluecheck

Posted on January 28, 2016 by Badge415

“Eddie Murphy Raw” came out in 1987. It was a stand up comedy video that is still hilarious almost 30 years later. The other night, I was on a call when I was reminded about a joke Eddie Murphy told on that video.

The joke was about a woman, who caught her man leaving another woman’s house. She confronted him and he replied, “Wasn’t me.” She accused him a few more times and his only response was, “Wasn’t me.”

Even though he was caught red handed he never admitted it. Now, jump in a black and white police car and you’ll meet plenty of people like that.

When I arrived on the call, an officer asked, “Do you have a Bluecheck?” A Bluecheck is a handy bit of technology that checks fingerprints though my work laptop. If the person’s fingerprints are in the system the computer will give you a hit in less than a minute.

“Yes,” I replied as I went to my car to get it.

I walked up to the suspect and asked, “What’s your name?”

“John Smith.” (I changed his name)

“Have you ever used a different name before?”

“No,” he replied.

I pulled out my Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire (L.L.P.O.F.) detector and put his right and left index fingers on it. The prints were sent to my computer via Bluetooth and a minute later John Smith’s picture popped up on my screen with a different name and date of birth.

I love it when that happens.

The picture and info meant he was booked at the department before. There was also a Department of Justice hit on his name. I asked the suspect again if he ever used a different name before. “No,” he answered.

I asked, “Who is Jim Thompson?”

“I don’t know.”

I took my computer over to him and showed him the picture. John/Jim looked at his picture on my computer and said he didn’t know who that was. As I walked away he said, “I have no idea who that guy is.”

At that point, I pictured Eddie Murphy saying, “Wasn’t me.”

Yeah, it was you. Your fingerprints said so. You can’t make this stuff up.

Silly stories and the tales people tell

Posted on January 27, 2016 by Badge415

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It always cracks me up when someone tries to report their car stolen after the vehicle was already involved in a hit and run. It’s funny because they think they’re the most original person in the world by coming up with this idea. It’s also funny because their story is never as good they thought it was going to be.

This was the case two weeks ago when a person thought they were smarter than they really were. This particular guy prepared his story about as well as a midget playing in an NBA basketball game. It was just plain awkward and didn’t work out so well.

He called to report his car stolen about an hour after the collision occurred. He claimed he went to the grocery store to buy lottery scratchers and left his keys in the car. When he came out the car was gone.

I’m sure there are plenty of people who buy lottery scratchers at the grocery store, but I bet their car wasn’t “stolen” and then involved in a crash.

After I heard the lottery ticket excuse I asked, “Where are the lottery tickets you bought?” This guy drove miles out of his way for a special lottery ticket trip. He had to have the tickets on him, right?

He was surprised by the question and then said he didn’t buy them because the line was too long. How dumb is that? I guess he didn’t think that far ahead.

When have your ever seen a long line for scratchers? It wasn’t like he was buying a Power Ball lottery ticket when the jackpot was over a billion dollars. It was just a scratcher.

The story fell apart even more after an officer interviewed two women the guy knew. They were honest and had nothing to hide. Their story showed he was a liar.

After speaking with the women, his story looked like Swiss cheese because there were so many holes in it. In the end, I told him we weren’t taking a stolen vehicle report.

It was a lot of work, but the victim of the crash and the insurance company deserved a complete investigation. More importantly, the guy needed to know his lies didn’t fool us.

Nice try buddy, but you can’t Jedi Mind Trick a Jedi Master.

Let me see your wallet

Posted on January 25, 2016 by Badge415

On Friday afternoon I saw a guy stopped across the intersection for a red light. When the light turned green, the cars next to him went, but he didn’t.

The intersection wasn’t that big, so I was able to see him looking down. There was also a line of cars behind him that couldn’t go because he was still stopped. He finally looked up and started to go. As he drove through the intersection he passed within a few feet of me. It was still daylight and I could see him holding his phone as he looked at it.

He wasn’t paying attention to anything around him, including the police car. I made a U-turn and stopped him.

When I walked up to the car I asked, “Where’s your phone?” He reached under the seat and pulled it out. That was funny because he took a while to pull over. I guess shoving the phone under the seat was the best idea he had at the moment.

I next asked him for his license and told him why I stopped him. He admitted to being the phone, which was refreshing. It was actually nice to hear someone tell the truth and I appreciated it.

The driver reached into his back pocket and pulled out a white plastic looking wallet. From where I was standing it looked like the type of wallet my daughter had when she was 5 years old.

I watched his hands as he opened it up. There was something odd about the way he maneuvered his hands. It was like he didn’t want me to see something.

After he handed me his license I pointed to the wallet and said, “Turn that over.” The driver looked up with pleading eyes like he didn’t want to. He then slowly turned it over and revealed a picture of Felix the Cat.

“Felix the Cat?” I asked. He didn’t say anything. He only sat there with an embarrassed look on his face. Maybe it was because he was 30 years old.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket as I said, “I have to take a picture of that.”

He squinted his eyes as he asked, “You’re going to take a picture of it?”

I already knew this was going to make the blog because I had never seen an adult with a kid’s wallet on a car stop. “Sure, why not?” I said. “Plus, I’m not going to give you a ticket if I take the picture..” He realized how good an idea the picture was and held it up.

I’m sure he’ll remember me the next he wants to text and drive. Maybe he’ll keep his eyes on the road instead.