Going for a repeat


Spontaneous statements are the hidden jewel of police work. They’re those little things people say in the heat of the moment that you can’t make up. They’re also the stuff that make for story time.

These little statements are quick and are gone in a heartbeat if you’re not paying attention. They’re like the setting sun at the beach. One minute it’s there and the next minute it’s not.

Not too long ago, I was handing a DUI crash when I stopped to watch the field sobriety tests. The suspect stood there and listened while the officer gave the instructions.

That’s when the suspect said, “I know how to do them. I’ve done this before.”

Did he really just say that? Of course, he did. This is police work and people just say the funniest shit.

I just stood there and shook my head as I silently laughed as repeat did his tests. What a mess. Hopefully he doesn’t go for a three-peat.

Frequent caller


The other night, a medical aid call went out over the radio about a 55 year old male who was “non response.” I was close by, so I headed toward the address, despite having a losing record at CPR attempts.

Another patrol car arrived ahead of me and we entered the condo complex, which was oval shaped. The condo was on the far side, which meant speed bumps got in our way as we raced to save this guy’s life. We came to a stop as the garage door opened up. A woman emgerced from the garage and said, “He’s up stairs.”

As we climbed the stairs a man’s legs on a bed came into view. Since he was “non response” I assumed we were about to perform CPR. I was ready for another shot at it as I said to myself, “Oh sure, why not.”

I stepped into the room and saw something I wasn’t prepared for. The man was lying on his back with his head propped up on a pillow with his eyes open. The creepy thing was this “non responsive” guy was actually alive and looking at us.

It was funny because my mind was prepared for a dead guy, not one who was watching our every move. He had serious medical problems, but at least he was breathing.

I left the room and the Adam unit (2-man car) stayed upstairs. I spoke to a woman, who told me she was the man’s mother. She told me she’s called 911 many times for her son and the fire department knew who she was. Said also said, “I hope a nice fireman comes this time. They don’t seem happy to come here.”

The first two fire fighters walked in and I gave them a quick run down about the guy upstairs. The captain then walked in and I asked him, “Have you been here before?” He nodded his head slowly like he knew the patient’s history and kept going. The way he nodded his head and the look on his eyes told me he’d been here a million times. I guess the lady was right. They did know her.

I engaged the woman in small talk until the other cops came downstairs. I wished her luck and we left. When we got to our cars I told them what she said about being a frequent caller and another criminal matter I learned about related to the condo.

One of the cops said, “I’ve been here before. That guy’s sister stabbed him in the head with a screwdriver.”

Wow. It seems like everyone has been here but me. Well, now I can check this address off too.

It’s the backstories that make things interesting about the houses, condos and apartments we respond to for calls. Every corner and house has a story.

It might be interesting and funny, but it can also be dangerous if you don’t know the history of the location you’re responding to. You just never know what’s behind people’s closed doors.

You’re having problems with what?


A few weeks ago, I responded to a traffic collision where a pedestrian was hit by a truck. When I arrived, I saw a full sized truck parked on the side of the road and an injured pedestrian sitting on the curb talking with fire personnel.

The pedestrian was a male in his early 60s and looked a little banged up. The poor guy was in the crosswalk when the collision occurred.

After I was done speaking to the pedestrian, I went up to the driver of the truck and asked, “What happened?”

The driver, who was genuinely concerned for the pedestrian said, “I’ve been having problems with my blind spot.”

I had never heard that one before. In fact, I almost started laughing, but he was fragile at the movement, so I just went with, “We all have blind spots.”

He got what I was saying and explained what he meant. After he was done, I told him I knew what he was talking about because the same thing almost happened to me.

Those spontaneous statements are one of the best parts about this job. You just never know what people are going to say.

Shaking my head


On Thursday night, I responded to a disturbance call involving a man and a woman in a parking lot. The call indicated they were arguing and the woman was following the male in a minivan.

I drove down the street and was flagged down by witnesses as they pointed to a man, who was walking southbound on the sidewalk. I also noticed a minivan in a parking lot across the street with a woman in the driver seat. The minivan’s lights turned on as I drove by and I wondered what kind of nonsense they were involved in.

I drove to the male and detained him so we could figure out what was going on. We started talking when the minivan pulled up into the parking lot and stopped. The driver called out through the open passenger window and asked, “Officer, is he in trouble?”

“I don’t know,” I replied back.

“I’m married to that ding dong,” she said.

Ding dong? I guess that meant she didn’t call him “Cupcake.”

“Pull over there and wait,” I told her.

I next asked him what was going on and what their relationship was.

“She’s my wife.”

“How long have you been married?”

“One year, but we’ve known each other for a long time.”

“Do you have any kids?”

“She has an 11 year old in the van. He’s not mine, but he’s like my son. I’ve known him all his life.”

“That’s good,” I replied.

We continued with our small talk when he spontaneously said, “She named him after me.”


The man said, “She was married to my cousin. They needed a place to stay so they moved in with me. That’s how I got to know her.”

“Did she have the kid after that?” I asked.


This story just turned Jerry Springer.

He continued, “She told me she named her son after me because she had a crush on me.”

“Let me get this straight. She was married to your cousin and she named their son after you, but he’s not yours? Now you’re married to her?”


You just can’t make this stuff up.