I can’t look at the sidewalk the same way

Posted on May 11, 2016 by Badge415

There are times at crashes when people try to describe what happened by writing on paper or using their finger to draw imaginary lines on their hand.

Some have even reached for my pen and grabbed it as they say, “Can I show you?’

That usually ends in a tug of war for my pen because it’s plain rude to try and grab it out of my hand. What are these people thinking?

Other times they flail their arms around trying to tell me what happened. It sometimes feels like I’m dodging karate chops while they tell their story. I recently told a woman at a crash, “Can you not poke me in the eye?”

The other night a guy was trying to tell me how the collision occurred. He was in his early 50s and had a thick Vietnamese accent. I got the story the first time, but he really wanted me to understand.

The car in front of him had stopped suddenly as the light turned red. He thought the car was going to continue through, but it didn’t and they crashed. Easy story, but apparently he wanted to add to it.

That’s when he suddenly dropped to his knees in front of me and started pointing to a large gap in the sidewalk. The gap was now an imaginary crosswalk where the car had stopped in front of him.

First of all, it just looks weird when a grown man is kneeling in front of a cop on a major highway where hundreds of cars pass every minute.

While he was on his knees, I turned to the other officers and said, “This is awkward.”

I looked at the guy and said, “Can you get up and shake it out?”

I took a step back and he stood up. We were back to normal again. He seemed to snap out of it, but then dropped back to his knees as I said, “Don’t go down again.”

I shook my head and smiled at the other cops as they laughed at what the guy was doing.

Somehow this gap in the sidewalk was going to make him feel better and justify the collision. He was talking a mile a minute when I looked over at the cops and said, “I can’t concentrate here.”

My comments were adult in nature and went right over his head. I just couldn’t resist.

After the guy left, I asked one of the cops a question about the call. They said, “Do you want me to get down on my knees and show you?”

That was the funniest thing I heard all night!

“Deathwish”

Posted on May 10, 2016 by Badge415

You never know how people are going to react at traffic accidents. Some people fall apart even though the damage was minor and others take it in stride.

Every once in a while a person will knock down a pole and take it like a champ. You have to admire a guy who can walk away after destroying his truck and then joke about it.

A few weeks ago I met a guy like that. He had turned too fast and ran off the road. He struck the curb, a street sign and knocked down a light pole in a gas station parking lot.

His truck ended up in the bushes and caused a minor power outage. He stood there like nothing happened when I arrived.

While I was talking with him I noticed his shirt said, “Deathwish” on the back. I pointed out to him that he drove like he had a death wish and then asked, “Can I get a picture of your shirt?”

He was more that happy to pose for a picture and turned around for me. He was such a good sport about the crash and the shirt, I figured I’d ask him for another picture.

“How about one in front of your truck where we can see your shirt?” It didn’t hurt to ask.

“Sure,” he replied. He turned his back so we could see his shirt and gave me a thumbs up. The thumbs up was the best. Combined with the shirt and the crashed truck, it was priceless.

When it was time to leave he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I guess I’ll go look for a new car tomorrow.”

The crazy stuff that flies out of cars

Posted on March 28, 2016 by Badge415

This cross was an errie sight in the middle of the street after one rollover hit and run crash.

You never know what you’re going to find in the street after a car has rolled over a couple of times.

The other night I was walking around a parking lot after a car had rolled over after hitting the side of a building. There was broken glass, car parts and fluid everywhere.

The damage told a story of a wild ride that would’ve looked spectacular had there been a video camera handy. Even the tow truck driver told me this was probably the worst car crash he had ever seen.

As he cleaned up, I walked around the path of destruction and saw a box of condoms lying among the debris. It was the wrong protection in this situation. The driver really needed a helmet instead.

While I was still at the scene, I thought about past collisions and all of the stuff that has come out of cars and been in the street when I got there. I wished I had taken more pictures.

I have no idea how the ice cream and the peppers got together. Notice the plastic bag stuck in the door. You never know what you’re going to see at a crash.

So far the craziest thing that has ever come out of a car was a guy’s finger. Yes, a finger. The driver was missing his finger after rolling over a couple of times. We later found it stuck to the pavement among the debris. It brings new meaning to the phrase, “He gave me the finger.”

You just can’t make this stuff up.

The missing piece of the puzzle

Posted on March 16, 2016 by Badge415

Witnesses never get the credit they deserve. As officers, we know the value of a person stopping to be a witness at a traffic collision or a crime scene. The information they provide can be invaluable and can truly be the missing piece of the puzzle.

The other night I handled a felony hit and run involving a DUI driver and a pedestrian, who later died at the hospital.

After being struck, the pedestrian was left in the middle of the street as the driver took off. There were a couple of witnesses who chased the suspect about a mile down the road to his home. They called the police and stood by for officers to arrive.

The suspect was later located and arrested. After I finished the call, I was grateful the witnesses had followed the suspect. If it hadn’t been for them, we might never have found the bad guy.

People don’t realize how important their information can be. Without them, it’s a puzzle that can never be solved.

My hat is off to those witnesses from that night. I’m glad you got involved to help. I’m sure the victim’s family would agree.

Just say no to crack

Posted on March 14, 2016 by Badge415

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The other day I was sent to a suspicious vehicle call in a residential neighborhood. The call said there was a man inside a red VW, who had been there for a few hours.

When I arrived, I saw a red VW Beatle parked along the curb. I ran the plate and learned it was registered out of the area. I got out of my car to look inside and was surprised to see a man sleeping.

He was stretched out in the backseat and hatchback area. He had a blanket covering him and he looked quite comfortable. I had no idea a VW Beatle had so much room. This couldn’t been a Volkswagen commercial.

Sleeping Beauty was in his mid-50s and at least 275lbs. I woke him up and told him the neighbors had called the police about the car and asked him where he lived. Tom said he lived at a half-way house not too far away from there.

“Why do you live at a half-way house?” I asked.

“It’s because I’m addicted to drugs,” he replied.

“When was the last time you did any drugs?”

“At noon. I went 50 days without doing meth, but I had a relapse today.”

I asked Tom if he could crawl to the front seat, thinking this was going to be an interesting feat on his part if he could do it. He started to go, but I wasn’t prepared for what I was going to see next.

He rolled over and tried to wiggle backwards toward the front seat. His shorts were hanging low in the back, partially exposing his rear end. I tried to shield my eyes from the half moon, but I was too slow and knew for sure I was going to have a nightmare that night.

At one point he got stuck between the seats with his ass in the air. It was like a horror movie, a flood and an alien invasion all rolled into one. As he paused to reevaluate his situation, I said, “Just say no to crack.”

Once he was finally in the driver seat we engaged in small talk about his drug use as I tried to forget the crack invasion I just experienced. That’s when he said something hilarious.

He told me, “I started smoking crack when I was 35 years old.”

Wow, I guess the phrase “Just say no to crack” didn’t mean much here.

Through small talk he told me he didn’t smoke crack anymore. He said he was strictly a meth user now. Thank goodness for that because he had enough to crack in his life.

“Do you have a meth pipe?”

“Yes, I do,” he relied.

“Where?”

The man then reached into the leg opening in his shorts toward his crotch. He dug around for a moment and pulled out a glass pipe. He held it up as he tried to hand it to me.

I looked at his crotch smelling meth pipe and said, “Um, let me get some gloves.”

When the day started I had no idea a butt crack Sleeping Beauty was going to pull a meth pipe from his crotch and hand it to me.

I guess I can cross that one off my bucket list.

“It’s Deja Vu all over again”

Posted on March 2, 2016 by Badge415

A few years ago I handled a fatal traffic collision where a pedestrian was struck by a car. A few days after the collision, flowers appeared on the curb near where the body was in the street. Since then, flowers have always been there.

A few months ago I responded to the same location for a major injury collision. Ironically, the crash involved a pedestrian who was struck by a car.

When I arrived, I saw a vehicle with front end damage stopped along the north curb. The pedestrian had already been transported to the hospital.

The details of the crash were eerily similar to the fatal collision. Everything from direction of travel to location were the same. Even the bodies ended up in the same general location.

Then it got weird when I saw where the car was. It was almost parked in front of the flower memorial from the fatal collision. If the driver only knew where he parked.

Yogi Berra once said, “It’s deja vu all over again.” That was the best way to describe this location.

She was a train wreck

Posted on February 9, 2016 by Badge415

It’s always entertaining to see a person make a complete fool of themselves after drinking too much. The other night, I pulled up to a single vehicle collision on a residential street. The driver, who had been drinking, was speaking with officers. His girlfriend was standing off to the side with another officer.

As I walked up, there was one thing that stood out about them. Their emotions were like night and day. He was calm and respectful. She on the other hand, was a bloody hot mess that reminded me of a train wreck.

I’m not talking about a regular train wreck. I’m talking about a multi-casualty train wreck with hazardous materials and farm animals on board.

The woman was wearing a dress and had dried blood covering her left leg from her toes all the way up the thigh. It wasn’t just a little bit of blood. It was a lot of blood.

Her right leg was also covered in blood, but not as bad as the “Friday the 13th” thing that she had going on with her left leg. She looked straight out of a 1980s horror movie.

She had blood smeared across her neck with a small flap of skin peeled back and hanging just under her chin. She had a ton of snot running out of her nose onto her upper lip. This look was completed by 20 minutes of non-stop crying as she asked to stand next to her boyfriend.

At first she claimed she had fallen, but she later admitted to being in a fight with her sister. That explained the flap of skin on her neck where she must’ve been clawed during the fight. She also told us she wasn’t in the vehicle when the crash occurred, but we learned that was a lie too.

Just in case, I asked the woman if her boyfriend had done this to her. Her face turned serious as she looked over at him and said, “I’d tell you if that motherfucker did this to me.” I almost laughed at the way she said it.

She then went back to crying and sobbing as she said, “I want to stand next to him.” Talk about a mood swing. At one point, she told an officer she needed a hug. She looked like Frankenstein with her arms sticking straight out as she walked toward the cop for her hug.

I wondered if her boyfriend secretly hoped he’d get arrested just to get a night away from her. Later on she said, “I’m not drunk.”

There’s one thing for sure about this particular call. You just can’t beat watching a drunk and bloody woman trying to get a hug from a cop at 2:30AM. It was priceless.

By the way, she refused help from the fire department.

Don’t mess with the Bluecheck

Posted on January 28, 2016 by Badge415

“Eddie Murphy Raw” came out in 1987. It was a stand up comedy video that is still hilarious almost 30 years later. The other night, I was on a call when I was reminded about a joke Eddie Murphy told on that video.

The joke was about a woman, who caught her man leaving another woman’s house. She confronted him and he replied, “Wasn’t me.” She accused him a few more times and his only response was, “Wasn’t me.”

Even though he was caught red handed he never admitted it. Now, jump in a black and white police car and you’ll meet plenty of people like that.

When I arrived on the call, an officer asked, “Do you have a Bluecheck?” A Bluecheck is a handy bit of technology that checks fingerprints though my work laptop. If the person’s fingerprints are in the system the computer will give you a hit in less than a minute.

“Yes,” I replied as I went to my car to get it.

I walked up to the suspect and asked, “What’s your name?”

“John Smith.” (I changed his name)

“Have you ever used a different name before?”

“No,” he replied.

I pulled out my Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire (L.L.P.O.F.) detector and put his right and left index fingers on it. The prints were sent to my computer via Bluetooth and a minute later John Smith’s picture popped up on my screen with a different name and date of birth.

I love it when that happens.

The picture and info meant he was booked at the department before. There was also a Department of Justice hit on his name. I asked the suspect again if he ever used a different name before. “No,” he answered.

I asked, “Who is Jim Thompson?”

“I don’t know.”

I took my computer over to him and showed him the picture. John/Jim looked at his picture on my computer and said he didn’t know who that was. As I walked away he said, “I have no idea who that guy is.”

At that point, I pictured Eddie Murphy saying, “Wasn’t me.”

Yeah, it was you. Your fingerprints said so. You can’t make this stuff up.

Silly stories and the tales people tell

Posted on January 27, 2016 by Badge415

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It always cracks me up when someone tries to report their car stolen after the vehicle was already involved in a hit and run. It’s funny because they think they’re the most original person in the world by coming up with this idea. It’s also funny because their story is never as good they thought it was going to be.

This was the case two weeks ago when a person thought they were smarter than they really were. This particular guy prepared his story about as well as a midget playing in an NBA basketball game. It was just plain awkward and didn’t work out so well.

He called to report his car stolen about an hour after the collision occurred. He claimed he went to the grocery store to buy lottery scratchers and left his keys in the car. When he came out the car was gone.

I’m sure there are plenty of people who buy lottery scratchers at the grocery store, but I bet their car wasn’t “stolen” and then involved in a crash.

After I heard the lottery ticket excuse I asked, “Where are the lottery tickets you bought?” This guy drove miles out of his way for a special lottery ticket trip. He had to have the tickets on him, right?

He was surprised by the question and then said he didn’t buy them because the line was too long. How dumb is that? I guess he didn’t think that far ahead.

When have your ever seen a long line for scratchers? It wasn’t like he was buying a Power Ball lottery ticket when the jackpot was over a billion dollars. It was just a scratcher.

The story fell apart even more after an officer interviewed two women the guy knew. They were honest and had nothing to hide. Their story showed he was a liar.

After speaking with the women, his story looked like Swiss cheese because there were so many holes in it. In the end, I told him we weren’t taking a stolen vehicle report.

It was a lot of work, but the victim of the crash and the insurance company deserved a complete investigation. More importantly, the guy needed to know his lies didn’t fool us.

Nice try buddy, but you can’t Jedi Mind Trick a Jedi Master.

Let me see your wallet

Posted on January 25, 2016 by Badge415

On Friday afternoon I saw a guy stopped across the intersection for a red light. When the light turned green, the cars next to him went, but he didn’t.

The intersection wasn’t that big, so I was able to see him looking down. There was also a line of cars behind him that couldn’t go because he was still stopped. He finally looked up and started to go. As he drove through the intersection he passed within a few feet of me. It was still daylight and I could see him holding his phone as he looked at it.

He wasn’t paying attention to anything around him, including the police car. I made a U-turn and stopped him.

When I walked up to the car I asked, “Where’s your phone?” He reached under the seat and pulled it out. That was funny because he took a while to pull over. I guess shoving the phone under the seat was the best idea he had at the moment.

I next asked him for his license and told him why I stopped him. He admitted to being the phone, which was refreshing. It was actually nice to hear someone tell the truth and I appreciated it.

The driver reached into his back pocket and pulled out a white plastic looking wallet. From where I was standing it looked like the type of wallet my daughter had when she was 5 years old.

I watched his hands as he opened it up. There was something odd about the way he maneuvered his hands. It was like he didn’t want me to see something.

After he handed me his license I pointed to the wallet and said, “Turn that over.” The driver looked up with pleading eyes like he didn’t want to. He then slowly turned it over and revealed a picture of Felix the Cat.

“Felix the Cat?” I asked. He didn’t say anything. He only sat there with an embarrassed look on his face. Maybe it was because he was 30 years old.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket as I said, “I have to take a picture of that.”

He squinted his eyes as he asked, “You’re going to take a picture of it?”

I already knew this was going to make the blog because I had never seen an adult with a kid’s wallet on a car stop. “Sure, why not?” I said. “Plus, I’m not going to give you a ticket if I take the picture..” He realized how good an idea the picture was and held it up.

I’m sure he’ll remember me the next he wants to text and drive. Maybe he’ll keep his eyes on the road instead.