I’m working on my license

Posted on March 22, 2016 by Badge415

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The other day, I pulled up to a two-car crash where one vehicle rear ended another. I walked up to one of the drivers and asked him what happened. During the interview, he told me he rear ended the car in front of him.

I next asked, “Do you have a license?”

“No.”

“Do you mean you forgot it or you’ve never been issued one?”

“I’m illegal and I’m working on it.”

“They started handing them out over a year ago. What are you working on?”

“I needed paperwork and they also said I need glasses before I can get my license. I have an appointment tomorrow.”

It’s amazing how many people say they have an appointment at the DMV “tomorrow.” If I had a dollar for every time I’d heard that one.

“How are you going to take the test tomorrow if you don’t even have your glasses yet?”

The underage DUI driver seemed confused by my question. After a moment he finally said, “I’m going to Costco tomorrow before my test.”

Nice try, but I don’t think he’s too familiar with the prescription glasses process. He’ll have to work on planning things out better next time. He should start out with not drinking and driving while unlicensed. That would be a good start.

“It’s Deja Vu all over again”

Posted on March 2, 2016 by Badge415

A few years ago I handled a fatal traffic collision where a pedestrian was struck by a car. A few days after the collision, flowers appeared on the curb near where the body was in the street. Since then, flowers have always been there.

A few months ago I responded to the same location for a major injury collision. Ironically, the crash involved a pedestrian who was struck by a car.

When I arrived, I saw a vehicle with front end damage stopped along the north curb. The pedestrian had already been transported to the hospital.

The details of the crash were eerily similar to the fatal collision. Everything from direction of travel to location were the same. Even the bodies ended up in the same general location.

Then it got weird when I saw where the car was. It was almost parked in front of the flower memorial from the fatal collision. If the driver only knew where he parked.

Yogi Berra once said, “It’s deja vu all over again.” That was the best way to describe this location.

“You’re confusing all of us”

Posted on March 1, 2016 by Badge415

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The other day I was sitting at a conference table for a deposition related to a traffic collision I handled a year ago. The defense attorney was nice and professional. He was well prepared and only took about 15 minutes to question me about the collision.

At this pace I was going to be out of there in record time.

Next came the plaintiff’s attorney. Her client was clearly at fault and I wondered what she could ask. What a waste of time for everyone involved.

Any hope of a quick getaway flew out the window in the first 5 minutes. It was like night and day between the two lawyers. At times her questions were awkward and silly. She just wasn’t as prepared as the defense attorney was.

Then her phone rang at volume 10 and startled everyone. The ring was so loud dead people could’ve been resurrected from their graves. After a few more minutes of questions she asked to take a break so she could make a call. Really? In the middle of the depo?

At one point, the plaintiff’s attorney asked a question that left me wondering what the heck she was talking about.

Before I could answer, the defense attorney said, “You’re confusing all of us.” I nodded my head and almost started laughing.

After we went off the record I couldn’t resist and asked the plaintiff’s attorney, “Why are you suing him? Your client did everything wrong.” This made the defense attorney laugh, which was funny in itself.

She replied that her client told her a different version of how the collision happened and she believed him.

I said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but your client isn’t telling you the whole story.”

A happy crash customer

Posted on March 1, 2016 by Badge415

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On Friday night I was on a crash where half of the intersection was closed because of fluid and debris and disabled cars.

There was a male and female from one of the vehicles standing on the corner. They were in their late teens and had a serious look on their faces. While I was talking with them I got the feeling they were a little stressed, so I decided to lighten the mood up as I asked, “Do you want to hear a funny story?”

With a look of relief the female said, “Yes.”

I then told them about a guy I stopped earlier in the night for running a red light. After hearing the story the female laughed, The male seemed to have a lot on his mind and didn’t say anything. Oh well, at least I tried.

A little while later, I was standing across the street from the teens when a car drove up and parked. A woman got out and said, “Those are my kids,” as she pointed to them. She crossed the street and went to hug them.

A few minutes later they came back as they headed toward mom’s car. As they walked by the daughter waved and said, “Thanks for making us laugh.”

The mom didn’t understand and looked at both of us. That’s when I told her the story. When I was done, she also laughed.

Before leaving the mom said, “I drove by the intersection a few minutes ago and saw the police cars.”

“Oh yeah?” I said.

“I got to 7-Eleven and my phone rang. It was my daughter and she told me they were in an accident. I didn’t realize it was them when I drove by.”

“Wow. What are the chances of that happening?” I said.

The woman then smiled and said, “Thanks for entertaining them.” She walked away a happy customer.

It’s always a good thing when someone can smile and say thank you when they walk away from a crash. It’s also a good thing when they get your jokes.

“He ran me over!”

Posted on February 17, 2016 by Badge415

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Just when I thought I’d seen it all.

The other night I went to a crash involving a pedestrian and a vehicle, which normally isn’t that big of a deal, except this one had a twist.

When I got to the call, the victim was being put inside the ambulance. I jumped inside and asked, “What happened?”

The man, who was homeless, was about 40 years old. He had an unkempt looking beard and smelled like he hadn’t had a bath in weeks. He also smelled like he’d been drinking beer all day long.

He told me about lying down in the parking lot and putting his head on the curb like it was a concrete pillow.

There was car parked parallel to the curb just south of where he was resting. A guy got into the driver seat and started the engine. At this point, it would’ve been a good idea to move, but he didn’t.

That’s when he said, “He ran me over!”

Now, it’s not every day you hear someone say that, so I tried to keep a straight face as I asked, “Where did the car run you over at?”

“Look at my leg. It doesn’t look like the other one.”

He was wearing pants but one leg was definitely bigger than the other. The victim said, “The guy was drinking.”

“How do you know?”

“We’re street people. We know these things.”

You just can’t make this stuff up.

She was a train wreck

Posted on February 9, 2016 by Badge415

It’s always entertaining to see a person make a complete fool of themselves after drinking too much. The other night, I pulled up to a single vehicle collision on a residential street. The driver, who had been drinking, was speaking with officers. His girlfriend was standing off to the side with another officer.

As I walked up, there was one thing that stood out about them. Their emotions were like night and day. He was calm and respectful. She on the other hand, was a bloody hot mess that reminded me of a train wreck.

I’m not talking about a regular train wreck. I’m talking about a multi-casualty train wreck with hazardous materials and farm animals on board.

The woman was wearing a dress and had dried blood covering her left leg from her toes all the way up the thigh. It wasn’t just a little bit of blood. It was a lot of blood.

Her right leg was also covered in blood, but not as bad as the “Friday the 13th” thing that she had going on with her left leg. She looked straight out of a 1980s horror movie.

She had blood smeared across her neck with a small flap of skin peeled back and hanging just under her chin. She had a ton of snot running out of her nose onto her upper lip. This look was completed by 20 minutes of non-stop crying as she asked to stand next to her boyfriend.

At first she claimed she had fallen, but she later admitted to being in a fight with her sister. That explained the flap of skin on her neck where she must’ve been clawed during the fight. She also told us she wasn’t in the vehicle when the crash occurred, but we learned that was a lie too.

Just in case, I asked the woman if her boyfriend had done this to her. Her face turned serious as she looked over at him and said, “I’d tell you if that motherfucker did this to me.” I almost laughed at the way she said it.

She then went back to crying and sobbing as she said, “I want to stand next to him.” Talk about a mood swing. At one point, she told an officer she needed a hug. She looked like Frankenstein with her arms sticking straight out as she walked toward the cop for her hug.

I wondered if her boyfriend secretly hoped he’d get arrested just to get a night away from her. Later on she said, “I’m not drunk.”

There’s one thing for sure about this particular call. You just can’t beat watching a drunk and bloody woman trying to get a hug from a cop at 2:30AM. It was priceless.

By the way, she refused help from the fire department.

Did you blow on me?

Posted on January 18, 2016 by Badge415

On Saturday night, I responded to a traffic collision where a vehicle collided into a wall. When I arrived, I saw a car on the side of the road next to a block wall that was painted gray. There were tire marks along the wall, which showed the car had bounced up against it a couple of times.

The driver, who we’ll call Jim, was in his 40s and was standing next to his wife. I walked up to him and asked, “What happened?”

The man said, “I dropped my cigarette and hit the wall.”

With a smile I said, “You know they say cigarette smoking can be hazardous to your health.” At first he didn’t say anything, but then managed a nervous laugh. I said, “Thanks for laughing at my jokes.Where’s the cigarette?”

“I have no idea.”

My quick-witted partner said, “I bet you never saw that on the Surgeon General’s warning label before.” Jim didn’t get the joke, but I laughed because I get Matt’s humor.

While I was talking with Jim, I noticed a strange odor on his breath, so I asked him, “How many beers did you drink tonight?”

“None.”

I said, “I smell something on your breath.”

His wife, who was standing to my right, suddenly blew air out of her mouth at me like I was a birthday candle.

With a scowl on my face, I turned toward the woman and asked, “Did you just blow air at me?”

“Yes,” she replied. After she said that I wondered if she was wacky?

I turned away from her as I looked at Jim. I pointed to a light pole as I said, “Let go stand over there so your wife doesn’t blow on me again.” He and I then walked away. After we were done talking I went back to my car.

A few minutes later Jim said, “I found the cigarette.”

I looked over and saw Jim pointing into the car with a smile. I walked over and saw a cigarette with a burnt end on the seat. There was also a round hole in the seat that was burned.

The woman looked at Jim as she said, “This is my car and he’s not supposed to smoke in there.”

I couldn’t resist as I said, “He burned a hole in your seat too.”

She put her hands on her hips and gave Jim a look like she wished he had hit the light pole too.

Happy New Year

Posted on January 1, 2016 by Badge415

_DSC7459 The clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve night and it didn’t take long before we had our first DUI collision of 2016. Luckily the first victim was only a tree and not some unlucky person, who was minding their own business on their way home.

After the DUI investigation was completed, the driver was handcuffed and told he was under arrest. I was standing there when he said, “But I’m not drunk.”

I pointed to the tree the guy crashed into and joked to another officer, “Doesn’t he realize he failed the driving test?”

The driver was given the option of a blood or breath test. After he decided on the blood test I started to walk away. That’s when he said, “I’m not drunk” again.

His car was stuck on the median and up against a tree with a flat tire and a damaged rim. Its front bumper and grille were also damaged. After looking at the car and hearing him over and over, I wondered if he realized how silly he sounded at this moment.

You just can’t go around hitting things. Especially after drinking 4 or 5 beers on New Year’s Eve night. Maybe it’s time he drank from the cup of responsibility instead. It wasn’t like tree jumped out in front of him.

Have a safe 2016.

I’ll wait for another ride

Posted on December 18, 2015 by Badge415

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Last night I responded to a hit and run crash involving an SUV, that was disabled in the road. When I arrived, it was turned the wrong way and blocking a lane. It’s right rear tire had been torn from the vehicle and was in the street blocking another lane. The crash also ripped off the rear bumper and tossed it aside like an old toy on Christmas morning. The driver was standing on the sidewalk with two car seats next to her.

She told me, “I was in the intersection when I saw the car coming right at me.”

The suspect vehicle went through a red light and hit the victim on the right rear wheel and bumper area, causing it to spin out of control. Her two small children were in the back seat at the time. The driver said, “I thought we were going to roll over.”

It was amazing they were not injured. This crash could’ve been worse.

After I was done with the interview, I handed her a card with the report number on it. I wished her luck and told her to call her insurance company. She thanked me as she watched her vehicle get dragged up onto a flatbed tow truck. She told me she only had liability insurance, which meant she was out of luck because this SUV was going to car heaven a week before Christmas.

She shook her head as she said, “I have no money to fix this.”

As I walked back to my car another officer pointed to her rear bumper, which was still in the street. I glanced down at it, but I wasn’t sure what he wanted to me look at. That’s when he pointed at a sticker on the bumper that said, “If you ride with me, be prepared to die with me.”

That’s not the type of sticker that I want on my car. That’s just asking for trouble from the car accident gods.

Remind me to never to get a ride from this woman or be on the same airplane with her.

There’s no crying in traffic

Posted on December 10, 2015 by Badge415

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“There’s no crying in baseball.”

That was a famous line said by Tom Hanks in the movie “A League of Their Own.” Just thinking of that part in the movie makes me laugh.

The other night I drove up on a crash in which a car had struck a really big tree on the wrong side of the road. It was the type of tree that took the impact and still said, “Is that all you got?”

The driver was sitting on the curb and crying as he spoke to officers. He was very respectful and honest. He had been drinking and accepted responsibility for his mistake. I remembered thinking, “Why can’t everyone be like this guy?”

I took his statement and then went to look at the crashed car. He was still sobbing as I walked away. I spoke to some witnesses and then walked back to my car as the tow truck arrived. The tow driver attached his cable to the crashed car and dragged it up the flatbed.

As the car was pulled away from the tree, a loud sound could be heard as metal dragged across the pavement like nails on a chalkboard. The driver heard this and fell back on his elbow and laid in wet grass. The noise of his car being dragged seemed to be make him cry louder. It was as if we he was watching his first love leaving forever as she boarded a plane.

I had a feeling he learned his lesson tonight, but it left me wanting to say one thing…..

“There’s no crying in traffic.”