An inside joke that lives on

Posted on October 31, 2015 by Badge415

In Orange County, 901T is the radio code for injury collision. 902T is the radio code for non-inury collision and 901 means traffic collision with unknown injuries. It’s just those three unless it’s a hit and run. Then there are a few more codes.

Last year on Halloween night of 2014, a new radio code was born that no one new about. It’s not an official radio code, but it’s the source of a great inside joke that will go on for years.

On that night a 901T involving a pedestrian went out in the southern part of the city and two patrol officers were dispatched to it. My partner and I were on a different call at the time in the east end of our city. It was raining cats and dogs so we had to seek shelter under the porch of someone’s house just to get away from the craziness. At that point I needed a towel more than an umbrella.

We were standing there feeling miserable when an officer got on the radio and said, “This is a 901 Frank.”

What the heck was a 901 Frank? None of us had ever heard that before. The dispatcher said something on the radio and then the officer spoke again.

“It’s a major and start a traffic.”

“Traffic is 10-6,” replied the dispatcher, advising him we were busy.

“Confirming you conveyed the message to traffic that this is a major.” The tone in his voice told us this was more than just a regular crash.

“10-4,” replied the dispatcher.

After hearing the word “major” it was time for us to drop what we were doing and head to that call. We had a long drive and I knew we were going to have some good natured fun with the officer who said 901 Frank when we got there. How could we pass it up?

When I pulled up to the call, I went up to the cop and we started having fun with him. “What’s a 901Frank?” I asked.

The officer said, “It was bad. There was blood coming out of his eyes.”

He was an experienced officer and a great guy, so if he said it was bad then it was really bad. He meant 901 Frank (901F) to be fatal or possible fatal collision. Either way, you’ll never find it in any radio code list ever.

In the end we finished the call and the pedestrian survived. From that point on the term 901 Frank achieved legendary status among some of us who worked that night. It’s one of the funniest inside jokes around and was the subject of numerous memes that I may or may not have created.

Thanks MW for the laugh. It’s still a great story and it’s hard to believe it happened a year ago.

But really? What the F#$%k is 901Frank?

The Stick Figure Guy

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Badge415

Anyone who has ever worked this job knows you joke around a lot. Some call it a defense mechanism to all of the things you see and hear at work. That being said, there are certain things that I find funny that the regular person wouldn’t. It’s not that I’m uncaring. It’s just part of this job.

I’ve always joked saying the Heisman Trophy looks like a pedestrian right before a collision occurs. Since I can’t put the Heisman in the drawing I have to use a Stick Figure Guy.

Last night I was finishing up a report involving a pedestrian who was hit by a car. The pedestrians in my drawings are always stick figure guys with their hands in the up position. There’s no particular reason why their hands are in the up position. That’s just the way I’ve always done it.

When the drawing was done, I looked at the computer screen and I wondered what the stick figure guy would look like with his hands down. But in reality, what pedestrian has their hands down when a car is about to hit them.

The hands in the up position as the pedestrian says, “Oh shit” was more believable to me.

Then I thought about turning in the report with the hands in a different position, like one up and one down. I clicked on the hands and it reminded me of John Travolta in the movie Saturday Night Fever. A Bee Gees song from the movie flashed in my head as my stick figure guy’s arms assumed the disco position.

Of course, this was funny to me for no other reason that just because. I guess some things are funnier at 2AM.

After that I wondered what other ways I could draw the stick figure guy in my report. That’s when I came up with the last stick man with his legs and arms bent in different positions.

I actually laughed when I saw it. That stick figure guy was probably closer to what we see at collisions when people look like human pretzels. Maybe after almost 6,000 crashes I’ve become a little twisted. Like I said, I find humor in stuff the regular person wouldn’t.

Be safe out there and don’t become the stick figure guy in a drawing. Watch for cars when you cross the street.

“Do I have to die now?”

Posted on October 4, 2015 by Badge415

On Thursday night one of our police units was rear ended by a new driver, who just got his license issued a month ago. The damage was minor and there were no injuries, which was good.

The driver was understandably nervous while I did the interview. After I was done I wrote the report number on a card and told him to call his insurance company.

He said, “What do I do now?”

“Call your insurance company and tell them what happened. Give them the report number and let them worry about it.”

“OK, but what do I do now?”

“Call you insurance company and let them know what happened,” I said again.

“But I have so many questions.”

“It was just an accident. Don’t worry,” I said.

I explained to him a couple of times that his insurance company would handle everything from here on out.

The male, who was from Saudi Arabia asked, “Am I going to jail?”

“No, it’s an accident. You can leave now. Just call you insurance company.”

“Do I have to die now?”

Where did that come from? It was something from way out in left field and I never saw it coming. Apparently this guy was really stressed out over this. After some reassuring words and some jokes he started to relax. I then wondered how they handled traffic collisions where he was from.

I told someone, “They must be really take traffic enforcement seriously over there.”

In the end, we shook hands and he actually started to smile. He went up to the officer and apologized for hitting him. That’s when I said, “Since you hit him, you need to give the officer knuckles.”

The officer and the driver gave each other a weird look at first like they weren’t sure what to do. With some encouragement from me, they held up their hands and did a fist bump. It was worth watching because it was awkward and downright funny.

Sometimes you just have to have fun out here.

I got to watch ignorance from a front row seat

Posted on October 1, 2015 by Badge415

Tonight I got to see ignorance in its purist form. Just when I thought I’d seen it all, something else comes up. I always joke around that I keep going back to work just to see what’s going to happen next. As usual, I wasn’t disappointed.

I was sent to a traffic collision involving two vehicles on the west side of the city. When we arrived, my partner spoke to both drivers while I helped out with the paperwork. The victim driver was a Korean male in his 70s, who spoke little English. The driver who rear ended him was a Caucasian female in her early 20s.

Through translation, the male told my partner he was making a right turn into the driveway when he was rear ended. The female driver said the vehicle in front of her was stopped and she never saw it slow down. I asked her what she was doing inside the car at the time to prevent her from seeing the vehicle slow down. She replied she was just driving down the street.

It didn’t take a first grader to know she wasn’t paying attention when the vehicle slowed down in front of her. The points of rest and damage supported the victim’s version of the story.

While I was filling out paperwork she kept telling someone that the vehicle was stopped in front of her. She said it over and over to a point where I wanted to say, “You just can’t go around crashing into people.” I just held my tongue as she whined and didn’t accept responsibility for what she had done.

That’s when the man, who I assumed was her father said, “Asian drivers.”

The woman replied, “Do I have permission to be slightly racist now?”

All I could say to myself was “wow” because I was only 7-10 feet away from them when they said this. It was as if I was invisible. Who would say that in front of a cop investigating their collision?

I couldn’t believe this ignorant knucklehead was actually mad at the old guy she had just crashed into. Never mind the 100 feet of pre-impact locked wheel skid marks her vehicle left before the crash. I just stood there and shook my head as I watched pure ignorance in action.

This was the perfect example of the common theme of the blog, which is, “You just can’t make this stuff up.”

Be safe out there.

What do you say to a driver with a blind person’s cane?

Posted on August 24, 2015 by Badge415

The other night I responded to an injury collision involving three cars. When I arrived, I saw the usual sight of crashed cars and a fire truck on scene. One of the vehicles was in the middle of the intersection. The other car was up against a traffic signal pole and a third car was parked off to the side.

The car in the middle of the intersection had two women in it. The driver was in her late 60s to early 70s and the passenger was at least ten years older. They both had a frail look. I stood at the door and spoke to the driver through the window as fire personnel worked on the passenger. After I was done I went to speak to the other drivers.

One of the other drivers told me how she had made a left turn when she was hit by a car. The collision caused her to spin around and hit a third car and then a pole.

After I was done speaking to all three drivers, I noticed the woman from the first car was still in the driver seat. I walked up to her and asked if she wanted a tow truck. She told me she was waiting for another ambulance to take her to the hospital. The firefighters were standing off to the side and I didn’t know they had called for another ambulance.

I was standing at the driver door when I noticed she was folding up a blind person’s cane. It’s not every day that you see a driver with a blind person’s cane. It kind of raised a red flag.

“Is that your cane,” I asked as I tried not to laugh.

“No. it’s hers,” as she pointed to the passenger seat. “Mine is the walker in the backseat.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I wasn’t expecting that answer.

It goes to show that you never know what you’re going to hear at a traffic collision. After all these years, that was the first time I ever asked a driver if they owned a blind person’s cane.

“She has brain matter coming out of her head.”

Posted on August 20, 2015 by Badge415

I pulled up to the accident scene and saw a car that looked like the Incredible Hulk had just torn it open and tossed it into a pole like an empty Coke can. Half the car was crushed beyond recognition was headed to car heaven.

My first thought was to check on the victim to see if this was going to be a fatal collision. As I walked up to the ambulance an officer spotted me and said, “She’s has a major head injury.”

That didn’t surprise me after looking at the car. The same officer then said, “She has brain matter coming out of her head.”

The words “brain matter” and “car accident” are never a good combination under any circumstances.

I decided to peek into the ambulance just to see if I could learn some more information about the injuries. I expected to see the paramedics franticly trying to save her life, but instead they were talking to victim in a normal voices.

Looking at the scene and then inside the ambulance was like turning the radio from a heavy metal station to a classical music station. One was chaotic and the other was peaceful.

Something didn’t look right here. People with brain matter coming out of their head usually don’t look that good. I could see her blood socked hair, but she looked remarkably well given the circumstances.

I looked back at the officer and said, “She’s talking.”

“But it’s a bad injury,” the officer replied.

I stuck my head back in the ambulance again and saw the victim having a normal conversation with the paramedics. I pulled my head back out and said, “But she’s talking.”

The fire captain then got out of the ambulance and smiled at me like he usually does when we see each other. We shook hands as I asked, “How bad is she?”

“She might have a punctured lung,” he said.

No hint of death and no mention of brain matter coming out of her head. I asked him about the head injury. The captain told me she had a large laceration, but she was going to survive. Now I was really confused.

I shrugged it off and went about my business as I handled the scene. I had dispatch send an officer to the hospital to check on the victim’s status just in case.

Later on, the officer from before walked up to me and said she wanted to show me something. She had taken a closer look at the car and saw something that explained the “brain matter” she had seen coming out of the victim’s head.

She pointed to a pizza box in the twisted wreckage and all of our questions were answered as if a giant light came down on us from the pizza gods in the sky.

It turned out the “brain matter” had been pizza that flew out of the box after the car had been broadsided, spun around and struck a pole. It explained everything and it was truly one of the funniest things ever from a collision scene.

The victim not only survived a nasty car accident, but also the flying pizza.

In my experience, brain matter usually looks like tapioca pudding. But in the officer’s defense, flying pizza could’ve also looked like brain matter if it was mixed in with blood soaked hair.

I’m just glad there wasn’t pineapple on the pizza. That would’ve just confused everyone even more.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

Don’t forget to be thankful for what you have

Posted on August 12, 2015 by Badge415

Every night at work I’m reminded why I’m thankful for what I have.

The other night I responded to a single vehicle traffic collision call where a pole was struck. When I arrived, I saw the driver and his vehicle in a parking lot with a flat front tire and a damaged fender. There was a pole with minor damage not far away.

The driver, who was in his 30’s, was with his 5 year old daughter. It was after midnight and she was sleeping in the backseat. There was a spare tire on the ground next to the vehicle.

The driver was wearing baggy jeans, a white tank top, had a shaved head, tattoos, and a mustache. The top of his head had a large number 13 tattooed on it.

While we were talking I found out his driver’s license was suspended and he had just spent a little over 3 years in state prison for a felony DUI. That got me interested because you really have to try to end up in state prison.

“Did you kill someone?” I asked.

“No. I hurt someone bad.”

“How bad?”

“I don’t know. I used to drink until I blacked out.”

“How long ago did you get out?” I asked.

“A year ago.”

“How old are you?”

“I’m 34.”

“How many years of your life have you been in custody?”

“Over half,” he replied.

“How old were you when you first got arrested?”

“I was 9.”

“You were 9?”

“I stole a pair of pants from JC Penny.”

“Where were your parents during this time?” Were they gangsters too?”

“I never knew my dad. I know nothing about him. My mom was a doper. They took us away from her and put us in an orphanage.”

“Really?”

“I never had a chance.”

There were two DUI convictions on his driving record and one for driving on a suspended license. He didn’t have car insurance either. He wasn’t the guy you wanted driving around you in case there was a crash.

I told him his car was going to get impounded because his license was suspended and I asked if someone could pick him up. He told me his aunt could, but she lived in Riverside.

“Go ahead and call her.”

“My phone died. I don’t have a charger.”

“Do you have any money for a cab?”

“No.”

“Do you want to call Uber?” I asked.

“What’s Uber? Is it free?”.

Oh geez…..

My dispatch called his aunt and gave her the message to pick him up. I didn’t want the little girl to be stranded any more than she was, so I said I would drop them off at a 24-hour Subway.

He went to the car and woke her up. She got out of the car with a blanket and a sleepy look on her face. I sat on my rear bumper and her asked questions about school and the Frozen shirt she was wearing. She told me she went to Disneyland today and how she was starting school soon. After we were done talking I asked her if she wanted to ride in a police car. She nodded, but she didn’t seem so sure.

I moved my stuff and then had them sit in the backseat. My patrol car has a regular backseat, so it’s more comfortable. I’m sure the dad had a Beverly Hills Cop moment like when Eddie Murphy said, “This is the cleanest and nicest police car I’ve ever been in.”

I dropped them off at Subway and told the clerk they were in a traffic accident and were waiting for a ride. I then bought the little girl some cookies. As I handed her the cookies I said, “Remember, the police are there to help you. You can come to us when you need help.”

She nodded and took her bag of cookies. The driver thanked me and I left.

Two minutes later, I was standing next to a vehicle that was completely destroyed by a DUI driver at another collision scene.

After everything calmed down at the next crash, I was able to reflect on the previous call and think how lucky I was to grow up the way I did.

Here was a perfect example of the nightly reminders at work that make me grateful for what I have and where I came from. Everyone needs a reminder from time to time.

Did I Jinx That Guy?

Posted on July 28, 2015 by Badge415

Have you ever jinxed someone, but didn’t know it?

A few weeks ago I was at a red light right after leaving the police department parking lot. While I was stopped, a guy rode by me on a bicycle who was pulling a shopping cart. That was something I hadn’t seen before. Lately, I’ve been seeing bicyclist pulling suitcases, but not shopping carts.

I thought to myself how I’ve never taken a crash with a guy on a bike who was pulling a shopping cart before. It was a quick thought that I forgot as soon as I said it.

About 7 hours later I was sent to an injury collision involving a bicycle and a vehicle on the west side of the city. When I got there, the officers told me the fire department had already come and gone after the injured rider refused aid. There was a witness standing by, so I spoke to her first.

The witness told me where she was standing when she saw the crash. She described how he was riding the wrong way on the street and how he crossed directly in front of the vehicle when the collision occurred.

She said, “He was pulling a shopping cart.”

Of course, that made the call more interesting now. “He was? Where’s the cart?”

“Yeah, it’s still in the street,” she said as she pointed.

I looked and sure enough, there was a shopping cart that was knocked over in the street. The bicycle was damaged beyond repair and was lying next to the cart.

I had jinxed the guy for sure.

I then spoke to the bicyclist and asked him what happened. He gave me a slightly different version of how the collision occurred, but it was close enough. I looked at the rear wheel of the bicycle and saw that it was bent and twisted from the collision. It was more a paper weight than a bicycle now.

After I was done with the investigation, the rider asked, “What do I do with my bike?”

“Do you want to put it in the shopping cart?” I asked.

By the look on his face, it wasn’t the answer he was looking for. With a bit of a pout he walked over to the cart and picked it up. He then lifted the bicycle into the air and half threw it into the shopping cart with a frustrated look on his face. The bike landed hard in the cart and caused it to tip over with a loud crash that echoed in the night.

It was actually pretty funny to watch.

The rider stood there in the street with a defeated look on his face as his shoulders sagged. He then pulled the bicycle out and got the shopping cart back up on its wheels again.

Now it was time to watch operation bicycle in a shopping cart 2.0.

He lifted the bicycle up in the air and put it in the cart with more care this time. He picked up the rest of his belongings and was able to push the cart out of the street. The cart looked funny with half of the bike sticking up in the air like it was doing a wheelie.

It just proves that you can’t make this stuff up.

This job cracks me up

Posted on July 24, 2015 by Badge415

Every night there always seems to be some type of comedy going on. You can go from one call to the next with crazy things happening that you could never think of. Those are the calls that make this job fun and make up for the bad experiences.

Tonight a pedestrian ran across the street against a red light. There was cross traffic at the time and a car almost hit him. After the near miss, the pedestrian turned toward that car and gave the driver the middle finger as he threw out F-bombs.

That when he was then struck by another car……That by itself was funny. You can’t make that up, but the comedy continued.

Luckily the pedestrian wasn’t hurt and there was no damage to the car. The driver was shaken from the experience and we sent her on her way with a report number. We then had to deal with the pedestrian, who was under age.

He didn’t know his address, despite living in the same location for the last year, so we gave him a ride home. When we arrived at his home we spoke to his sister because his mother was at work.

She looked at him and said, “Really? You can’t obey a light?”

“I thought I was going to make it, but I didn’t make it at the end,” the pedestrian said as he laughed.

“You can’t even wait for the little man to light up so you can walk?” she said.

She then made me laugh when she told him, “Even if you’re blind you can see it.” She looked at us and said, “Give him a ticket.”

She was great with the way she spoke to her brother, but she might as well have been talking to a wall. Everything was going in one ear and out the other. After she was done giving him a tongue lashing, we walked back to our patrol cars with a good story to tell for later.

Here’s the best part. It turned out the pedestrian’s name was Angel and the witness was Moses.

There’s no way you can make this stuff up.

You can sleep in my car tonight

Posted on July 16, 2015 by Badge415

The other night we responded to a traffic collision call in which a man was threatening another man with a knife.

When I got there, I saw two cars in a Jack in the Box parking lot. One car had a bent right front wheel. The other car had minor damage to the front bumper. Both were parked in their own spaces.

One of the cars was stuffed full of items that would make a hoarder jealous. Then there was this suitcase, along with other miscellaneous things all over the place in the parking lot. There was basically crap everywhere. It was a like transient yard sale.

I pulled one of the guys aside and asked him what happened. The driver, who we’ll call Frank, said he and the other vehicle had crashed in the parking lot. After the collision, they moved their cars because they were blocking the driveway.

Frank then said, “We already exchanged information.”

“Wait time did the crash happen?” I asked.

“About 9:30?”

“That was ninety minutes ago. What have you been doing this whole time?”

Frank pointed to the other car and driver as he said, “My car isn’t drivable and his is. He lives in his car, so we decided to switch cars so I could go to work tomorrow.”

“You were going to let the homeless guy move into your car and sleep in it tonight?” I asked.

“Yes. I have to go to work tomorrow.”

I took a closer look at Frank’s car and it was stuffed with the homeless guy’s belongings. The homeless guy literally moved out of one car and into another. Well, he was almost moved in. The suitcase was still in the parking lot.

Most people call their insurance companies after a collision. These guys were taking traffic accident negotiations to an entirely new level. I bet Geico would love to help them save 15% on their car insurance.

We then found out Frank had taken the homeless guy’s car on a test drive to see how it ran. To top it off,Frank even had a suspended license. The entire call was just bizarre.

In the end, the homeless guy moved out of Frank’s car and back into his vehicle again. He drove off to find another place to sleep for tonight. Frank got to make arrangements for transportation on his own. It was the shortest rental agreement ever.

Officers never found the knife Frank called 911 about. Kind of makes you think he made the whole thing up.

The entire story was crazy. Who agrees to swap cars with a complete stranger?

You never know what’s going to happen at work. And of course, you just can’t make this stuff up.