A happy crash customer

Posted on March 1, 2016 by Badge415

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On Friday night I was on a crash where half of the intersection was closed because of fluid and debris and disabled cars.

There was a male and female from one of the vehicles standing on the corner. They were in their late teens and had a serious look on their faces. While I was talking with them I got the feeling they were a little stressed, so I decided to lighten the mood up as I asked, “Do you want to hear a funny story?”

With a look of relief the female said, “Yes.”

I then told them about a guy I stopped earlier in the night for running a red light. After hearing the story the female laughed, The male seemed to have a lot on his mind and didn’t say anything. Oh well, at least I tried.

A little while later, I was standing across the street from the teens when a car drove up and parked. A woman got out and said, “Those are my kids,” as she pointed to them. She crossed the street and went to hug them.

A few minutes later they came back as they headed toward mom’s car. As they walked by the daughter waved and said, “Thanks for making us laugh.”

The mom didn’t understand and looked at both of us. That’s when I told her the story. When I was done, she also laughed.

Before leaving the mom said, “I drove by the intersection a few minutes ago and saw the police cars.”

“Oh yeah?” I said.

“I got to 7-Eleven and my phone rang. It was my daughter and she told me they were in an accident. I didn’t realize it was them when I drove by.”

“Wow. What are the chances of that happening?” I said.

The woman then smiled and said, “Thanks for entertaining them.” She walked away a happy customer.

It’s always a good thing when someone can smile and say thank you when they walk away from a crash. It’s also a good thing when they get your jokes.

The day I saved Teddy (not really)

Posted on February 17, 2016 by Badge415

Not the actual Teddy bear. This guy was from another crash.

On Valentine’s Day weekend, I responded to an injury traffic collision where a guy and his girlfriend slammed into a parked car after he claimed a dog ran out in front of him. He injured his foot and refused medical aid, but his girlfriend was transported to the hospital by ambulance.

He wasn’t a particularly nice guy , but of course, that changed when he needed something. After the car was up on the flatbed tow truck the driver asked, “Can I get my backpack from the car?”

I looked at the tow truck driver and asked, “Can you get his backpack for him.”

The tow driver climbed up onto the flatbed truck and opened the car door. He reached inside and grabbed a backpack. I then handed it to the driver. As I turned to walk away the driver said, “Can you get the teddy bear too?”

With a raised eyebrow I asked, “A teddy bear?”

“Yeah.”

With a funny look on my face I turned toward the tow driver and asked, “Can you get his teddy bear?”

The tow truck guy returned the funny look and dug into the car to retrieve Teddy which he handed to me. Once Teddy was safe I handed it to the driver, who said, “And the flowers too?”

“The flowers?” The driver nodded at me. This guy was getting needy.

I turned toward the tow guy one more time and asked him to get the flowers also. He gave me the same funny look and went back inside the car.

It’s not every day someone asks for a teddy bear from a crashed car, but it was Valentine’s weekend after all. I’m sure there were lots of cars driving around with teddy bears and flowers that night. The only difference was this particular teddy bear got the ride of his life.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

She was dumb

Posted on February 12, 2016 by Badge415

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Tonight, this woman had been stopped on a side street and wanted to make a left turn onto a busy street with a 40 mph speed limit. She started to turn and then stopped in the middle of the intersection when she saw cars coming from one direction. That’s when she got hit by a car coming from the opposite direction.

After I was done with the interviews she asked me who was at fault. I told her she had caused the accident by failing to yield to the other vehicle. Her face got serious as she clenched her jaw and squinted her eyes. Oh boy.

She said, “He saw me. He should’ve stopped.”

I pointed out that she was the one who got in the way when she pulled out in front of the car.I tried explaining it to her, but she didn’t want to hear it. All she could say was, “He should’ve been driving defensively.”

I almost laughed when I heard that. I surely would’ve choked if I had been drinking something at that moment.

Was this woman for real? I knew this was probably the dumbest thing I had heard all week. In fact, I think my IQ score dropped a few points just from hearing that.

At this point, all she wanted to do was argue. She had already made up her mind and there was nothing I could do to change it. That’s when I told her we were done talking about it.

The woman turned toward her damaged and uninsured vehicle as she walked away like a pouting child. She looked at her male passenger and said, “I don’t know why I’m a citizen of this country.”

Really? No one is keeping you here……

Now that was really the dumbest thing I had heard all week. I didn’t think it was possible she could top her previous comment, but she did.

I turned toward my friend Miguel and said, “She’s definitely going to make the blog.”

She was a train wreck

Posted on February 9, 2016 by Badge415

It’s always entertaining to see a person make a complete fool of themselves after drinking too much. The other night, I pulled up to a single vehicle collision on a residential street. The driver, who had been drinking, was speaking with officers. His girlfriend was standing off to the side with another officer.

As I walked up, there was one thing that stood out about them. Their emotions were like night and day. He was calm and respectful. She on the other hand, was a bloody hot mess that reminded me of a train wreck.

I’m not talking about a regular train wreck. I’m talking about a multi-casualty train wreck with hazardous materials and farm animals on board.

The woman was wearing a dress and had dried blood covering her left leg from her toes all the way up the thigh. It wasn’t just a little bit of blood. It was a lot of blood.

Her right leg was also covered in blood, but not as bad as the “Friday the 13th” thing that she had going on with her left leg. She looked straight out of a 1980s horror movie.

She had blood smeared across her neck with a small flap of skin peeled back and hanging just under her chin. She had a ton of snot running out of her nose onto her upper lip. This look was completed by 20 minutes of non-stop crying as she asked to stand next to her boyfriend.

At first she claimed she had fallen, but she later admitted to being in a fight with her sister. That explained the flap of skin on her neck where she must’ve been clawed during the fight. She also told us she wasn’t in the vehicle when the crash occurred, but we learned that was a lie too.

Just in case, I asked the woman if her boyfriend had done this to her. Her face turned serious as she looked over at him and said, “I’d tell you if that motherfucker did this to me.” I almost laughed at the way she said it.

She then went back to crying and sobbing as she said, “I want to stand next to him.” Talk about a mood swing. At one point, she told an officer she needed a hug. She looked like Frankenstein with her arms sticking straight out as she walked toward the cop for her hug.

I wondered if her boyfriend secretly hoped he’d get arrested just to get a night away from her. Later on she said, “I’m not drunk.”

There’s one thing for sure about this particular call. You just can’t beat watching a drunk and bloody woman trying to get a hug from a cop at 2:30AM. It was priceless.

By the way, she refused help from the fire department.

Can I call you Frank?

Posted on January 20, 2016 by Badge415

Photo courtesy of Pinterest

One of the funniest things to do at work is to say random things while on calls just for the heck of it. Most of the time it’s just something that pops into my head and I go with it.

A few years ago, I responded to a hit and run collision where a parked vehicle was struck by a car that rolled over. The call information indicated the suspect ran away, but was caught one street north of the collision scene. When I got there, I saw the driver siting on the curb with other officers, who were standing by.

The driver was about 30 years old and was barefoot. I was impressed he was able to run that far with no shoes after climbing out of an overturned car. He was obviously really motivated to get away. His feet were black and filthy from his sprint to freedom. It was going to take a month to get those little piggies clean.

I walked up to him and said, “Hi. You look like the guy who sits on the wall from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.”

He looked down at his feet and started laughing because he knew which guy I was talking about. At least he had been to Disneyland land to understand my joke. That’s when I knew I could do the name game with him.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Bill,” he replied.

With a straight face I asked, “Do you mind if I call you Frank?”

The man, who was DUI, paused for a moment and then smiled as he raised his arms in the air and said, “You can call me anything you want.”

“OK Frank. Tell me what happened.”

Frank went on to tell me how the crash happened and was eventually arrested for DUI. He took everything in stride and was as nice as could be about the entire thing.

You just never know what kind of reaction you’re going to get when you ask to call someone by their wrong name. The answer is sometimes priceless.

Did you blow on me?

Posted on January 18, 2016 by Badge415

On Saturday night, I responded to a traffic collision where a vehicle collided into a wall. When I arrived, I saw a car on the side of the road next to a block wall that was painted gray. There were tire marks along the wall, which showed the car had bounced up against it a couple of times.

The driver, who we’ll call Jim, was in his 40s and was standing next to his wife. I walked up to him and asked, “What happened?”

The man said, “I dropped my cigarette and hit the wall.”

With a smile I said, “You know they say cigarette smoking can be hazardous to your health.” At first he didn’t say anything, but then managed a nervous laugh. I said, “Thanks for laughing at my jokes.Where’s the cigarette?”

“I have no idea.”

My quick-witted partner said, “I bet you never saw that on the Surgeon General’s warning label before.” Jim didn’t get the joke, but I laughed because I get Matt’s humor.

While I was talking with Jim, I noticed a strange odor on his breath, so I asked him, “How many beers did you drink tonight?”

“None.”

I said, “I smell something on your breath.”

His wife, who was standing to my right, suddenly blew air out of her mouth at me like I was a birthday candle.

With a scowl on my face, I turned toward the woman and asked, “Did you just blow air at me?”

“Yes,” she replied. After she said that I wondered if she was wacky?

I turned away from her as I looked at Jim. I pointed to a light pole as I said, “Let go stand over there so your wife doesn’t blow on me again.” He and I then walked away. After we were done talking I went back to my car.

A few minutes later Jim said, “I found the cigarette.”

I looked over and saw Jim pointing into the car with a smile. I walked over and saw a cigarette with a burnt end on the seat. There was also a round hole in the seat that was burned.

The woman looked at Jim as she said, “This is my car and he’s not supposed to smoke in there.”

I couldn’t resist as I said, “He burned a hole in your seat too.”

She put her hands on her hips and gave Jim a look like she wished he had hit the light pole too.

Too much information (T.M.I.)

Posted on January 17, 2016 by Badge415

_DSC4559-2 I love the things that come out of people’s mouths at traffic collisions. It’s like they stepped into a world where the rules of privacy and too much information don’t exist.

On Friday night, I was at an injury collision at 2AM, involving a woman who had been drinking. During the interview, I asked her where she was coming from. The driver replied, “From my AA meeting.”

That in itself was funny. How could it get any better than that? Well, she didn’t disappoint. A few minutes later, the firefighter asked the woman if she was sick or injured. In a very loud voice she said, “I have a yeast infection.”

I almost burst out laughing at that, but I held it in. Her husband was standing next to us when she said that and stepped forward as he looked at her. The husband loudly said, “T.M.I! T.M.I!

Now I really had to hold it in as I asked the husband to walk away so I could get some information from him. While we spoke, I did everything I could to not smile. I even had to turn away from him. At one point I gave up and told him, “That was funny.”

It’s not every day a DUI driver with a yeast infection crashes while coming from an alcoholic anonymous meeting. It was like a perfect storm of twisted humor and mishaps.

You never know what’s going to happen next in this wacky world called police work.

I’ll wait for another ride

Posted on December 18, 2015 by Badge415

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Last night I responded to a hit and run crash involving an SUV, that was disabled in the road. When I arrived, it was turned the wrong way and blocking a lane. It’s right rear tire had been torn from the vehicle and was in the street blocking another lane. The crash also ripped off the rear bumper and tossed it aside like an old toy on Christmas morning. The driver was standing on the sidewalk with two car seats next to her.

She told me, “I was in the intersection when I saw the car coming right at me.”

The suspect vehicle went through a red light and hit the victim on the right rear wheel and bumper area, causing it to spin out of control. Her two small children were in the back seat at the time. The driver said, “I thought we were going to roll over.”

It was amazing they were not injured. This crash could’ve been worse.

After I was done with the interview, I handed her a card with the report number on it. I wished her luck and told her to call her insurance company. She thanked me as she watched her vehicle get dragged up onto a flatbed tow truck. She told me she only had liability insurance, which meant she was out of luck because this SUV was going to car heaven a week before Christmas.

She shook her head as she said, “I have no money to fix this.”

As I walked back to my car another officer pointed to her rear bumper, which was still in the street. I glanced down at it, but I wasn’t sure what he wanted to me look at. That’s when he pointed at a sticker on the bumper that said, “If you ride with me, be prepared to die with me.”

That’s not the type of sticker that I want on my car. That’s just asking for trouble from the car accident gods.

Remind me to never to get a ride from this woman or be on the same airplane with her.

Should I tell him he’s getting married?

Posted on December 16, 2015 by Badge415

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What’s the difference between being a boyfriend or girlfriend compared to being a fiancé? I think we’d all agree they’re as different as night and day. Being a boyfriend or girlfriend means you get Christmas and birthday presents. Being a fiancé means you almost have health insurance coverage and half of the bank account.

A few weeks ago I was investigating a hit and run crash when I had to interview a man and a woman, who were witnesses. They also happened to be a couple.

I interviewed the man first and asked him about the crash. He described what happened and called the woman his “girlfriend” during the story. After we were done I spoke to her.

The “girlfriend” walked over to me and then told me what happened. During her statement she referred to the male as “My fiancé.”

This was a potentially fun and awkward situation. I wanted to say, “But he just said……”

Part of me wanted to tell her she had only achieved girlfriend status so far. Another part of me wanted to congratulate him on getting married. The look on their faces would’ve been priceless. It also would’ve spiced up the blog story too with some drama.

This could’ve been the first time a future groom was told by the cops he was getting married before he knew it.

It was a perfect moment, but my compassionate side talked my fun side out of telling them. One thing is for sure. They might want to clear up some things before making any long term plans.

Their relationship status on Facebook might be set at, “It’s complicated.”

You just can’t make this stuff up.

Is it called a median?

Posted on December 15, 2015 by Badge415

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Do you know what the concrete center divider is called? It’s a median, but for some reason a lot of people call it a meridian.

The other night I went to a call where a male struck the median and then crashed into a traffic signal pole. The impact caused the vehicle to roll over and come to rest on the its side.

There was a witness, who stopped and told me what happened. When I was done with his statement, I asked him for his information. He told me his name and said he lived on Meridian Street. I wanted to joke with him and ask if he really meant he lived on Median Street instead. I skipped the joke because it would’ve been too hard to explain.

I still thought it was funny he lived on Meridian Street when a median was struck.

As you can tell, it’s the simple things that entertain me. But if you heard the word meridian as much as I have, you’d be entertained too.