Do you pay for parking?

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On Monday I had to go to a deposition in Los Angeles County for a car accident that occurred 3 years ago. When I arrived, I couldn’t find parking and realized I had to park across the street in a private structure. I took my ticket stub with me in case the law firm validated parking.

I went inside and sat down in the conference room with the two attorneys and the stenographer. She swore me in and the plaintiff’s attorney said, “First of all, I’d like to thank you for your service.”

Wow. I had never had an attorney tell me that before. I told him, “Thank you” and we started the deposition. About an hour later we were done and it was time for me to leave.

As I stood up, the plaintiff’s attorney said, “Thank you for coming.”

I shook hands with both attorneys and the stenographer. I was about to leave when I realized I had the parking stub in my pocket. I looked at the plaintiff’s attorney and asked, “Do you guys pay for parking across the street?”

The attorney replied, “We don’t validate.”

It was okay because it didn’t hurt to ask. The attorney then surprised me as he pulled his wallet out. A few seconds he handed me money as he said, “It should be $6.”

Wow.

I thanked him and left thinking how much I appreciated his kind gesture. What a nice guy.

You  just never know what’s going to happen at work next.

She said turn left!

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The other night I responded to a single vehicle traffic collision where a car struck a fire hydrant. The driver, who was in his early 20s, told me he was driving down the street when his navigation told him to turn left.

“Siri told you to turn left?” I asked.

“No, Google maps.”

I noticed he had made a sharp left turn where the collision occurred and asked, “Was she yelling at you to turn?”

He let out a laugh and an embarrassed look as he said, “No.”

I imagined Siri yelling at him saying, “Turn left! Turn left now. Turn left or I’m going to kill you!” That would be the only reason why he turned the way he did. After my silly thought I said,  “At least no one was hurt. Do you know who Larry H. Parker is?”

“No.”

“Pull your phone out and Google him,” I said.

The driver pulled his phone out with a weird look on his face. One of the officers said, “He’ll fight for you.”

I laughed because I knew that was their motto for the commercials. They had been on TV since I was a kid and I had heard it a million times. The driver looked at us like he had no idea what we were talking about.

He typed in “Larry H. Parker” and hit send. I stood next to him as he clicked on the website. He started scrolling through the site and pointed like he found a prize as he said, “We’ll fight for you.”

“See I told you. They’ll fight for you.”

That’s just one of a long list of TV mottos that I bring up on calls all the time to get people to laugh.

I probably  watched too much TV as a kid…..

Was there a boom?

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The other night I was at a two-car crash where one of the drivers was a Mandarin speaker. Her friend, who was a woman in her 40s, responded to assist with translation.

We did the interview and I went to speak with the other driver. After I was done, I had to go back to the Mandarin speaker to ask a follow up question. The translator asked my question and the driver started speaking rapidly as she answered. At one point during her answer she said, “Boom.”

I looked at the translator and said, “Yeah, whatever she said and I got the boom part.”

The translator then said something about the crash being a “boom boom.”

“I wasn’t talking about the boom boom. Just the boom,” I said as a joke.

In accented English the translator said, “You’re on-duty right now. You can’t talk about the boom boom. After you get off duty, then you can talk about the boom boom.”

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The other officer and I burst into laughter. I almost had tears in my eyes.

You just never know when the Boom Boom is going to come up.

He needed a breath of fresh air

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On Wednesday night I responded to a non-injury collision that occurred in a parking lot. When I arrived, I contacted the driver and the woman, who was the owner of the parked car that was hit.

I asked the driver, “Do you have a license?”

“No, it’s expired.”

“How long has it been expired?”

The driver looked up in the air like he was trying to remember. He then said, “Over ten years.”

“Wow. So we’re talking at least two presidents ago?”

“Probably Clinton,” he said with a smile.

“Clinton? Why haven’t you gone to get your license back?”

“I work a lot,” he replied.

Oh brother. I’m the regular police. Not the lame excuse police.

After I was done speaking with the driver I went over to the owner of the parked car. She walked up to me and said, “My father is getting restless.”

WTF?

With squinted eyes, I looked at the woman as sarcastic comments flew through my head. I kept my thoughts to myself and decided to ask her about the collision instead. I took her statement and gave her a report number.

She then had to wait a few more minutes for us to write the driver and insurance information on the report form. That’s when she again said, “My father is getting restless.”

I heard her and just ignored it. We were going as fast as we could to get them out of there. I was looking at the report form when she said, “I have to take him home to change his oxygen tank.”

Wow. I didn’t see that one coming. For some reason that was funny to hear. Good thing I didn’t say anything. I also made a mental “right click and delete sarcastic comments” note in my head.

It turned out her father was almost 80 years old. Too bad she didn’t tell me about the oxygen tank sooner.

It would’ve breathed new air into the situation.

He’s freaking weird

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Have your ever had a conversation that left you saying “WTF?”

The other night I was at a crash when the tow truck driver pointed down the street and asked, “Do you remember the crash where the car went through the wall?”

“You mean the fatal?”

“Yeah.”

“I remember it, but I wasn’t working that night.”

With a look of lust the driver tow driver said, “She had a nice ass. What a waste.”

“Who? The dead woman?” I replied.

“Yeah.”

“How did you see her? Was she still in the car?”

“No, she was in the street.”

“Didn’t she get ejected?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re saying the dead woman had a nice ass?” I replied with sarcasm.

“She had a nice ass. What a waste,” he said as he shook his head.

I was speechless. That was the fart in the elevator moment that killed the conversation. There was no where to go after that.

As the tow truck drove away, I knew that tow truck man had just achieved Badge415 blog status.  Who says that? What a weird MOFO.

You just never know what people are going to say and you can’t make this stuff up.

Picasso and his ice cream

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The other night, I responded to a crash and found a car in them middle of the intersection with front end damage and fluid splashed everywhere. There was a man, a woman and a dog from the crashed car waiting at the corner.

The woman, who was in her 20s, was injured and was sitting on the curb with her dog Picasso. He was small and had fur as white as snow. Even though his fur was white, I noticed his head had a Pepto Bismol pink tint to it.

Was this a new doggie hair style? I had to ask his owner.

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It turned out Picasso and his owners went out for a snack that night. He got his own cup of vanilla ice cream, which he enjoyed in the backseat of the car. His owner was in the front passenger seat with a large bowl of strawberry ice cream.

That’s when a truck made a left turn in front of them and they broadsided it. The strawberry ice flew into the air and got everywhere, including on Picasso.

Poor Picasso got a double whammy that night. He was in a car accident and got a strawberry ice shower at the same time. In all my years of working traffic, this was my first case of a dog with a pink hairdo from flying ice cream.

Thanks for the pictures Picasso.

I speak 7-Eleven

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I stepped into the ambulance and saw a paramedic speaking to a man on the gurney. The gurney was tilted so the man was sitting up. The paramedic told his partner that he was having trouble communicating with the patient.

I sat down on the seat next to the paramedic so I could try and ask the man about the collision. The man, who was in his 30s, was from India and had a red 7-Eleven shirt on. They spoke back and forth for a few seconds as I waited to ask my questions. The paramedic still had the same look on his face while they tried to talk.

That’s when the movie “Airplane” popped into my head. There was a scene where the stewardess was trying to speak with two men who spoke jive. She didn’t understand them and an older woman stepped in and said, “Oh stewardess. I speak Jive.” The  scene is funny after all these years.

As a cop, I’ve spent plenty of time inside  7-Eleven. It’s a perfect place to stop and take a break. That also means I’ve spent a lot of time talking with the clerks.

I looked at the paramedic and said, “I speak 7-Eleven.

I jumped in and started asking the patient what happened. Within a minute he told tell me the entire story about not feeling well, his speed, direction of travel and the crash. I looked over at the paramedic and said, “I’ve spent a lot of time inside 7-Eleven.” That made him laugh.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

Here’s another favorite quote from Airplane…….

“A hospital? What is it?”

“It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”

You have to watch the movie if you didn’t get it.

I was going to get insurance

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Yesterday, I pulled up to a two-car crash and contacted both drivers. One guy crashed into another while running a stop sign as he made a right turn. I spoke with him first and asked him for his driver’s license.

He handed me a temporary license and I copied the information down. After I was done, I handed the paper back to the stop sign runner and asked, “Can I get your insurance?”

With hesitation he said, “I don’t have insurance. I just got the car.”

“When did you get the car?”

“Two months ago.”

“Why don’t you have insurance?”

“I was going to get it right now.”

“What do you mean right now?”

“I was driving to the insurance place right now.”

It was 7:30PM. Sure he was.

Of course, this wasn’t the first time I had heard this one before. Just once, i want to hear someone say, “Boy,  I”m lucky. I just got car insurance today!”

Maybe one day, but I’m not holding my breath.

Words of wisdom

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The other night I was at a four-car crash with another officer named Adrian. It turned out the collision occurred in the unincorporated part of the city, so it was being handled by the California Highway Patrol.

There was nothing for us to do, so we stood there and talked with deputies from the sheriff’s department, who also responded. While we were standing next to the crashed cars, Adrian pointed to the rear of one of the vehicles.

I looked and saw a bumper sticker on the back of the car and we both laughed. I guess you could call it “words of wisdom.”

You just never know what you’re going to see in the middle of a collision scene where there are a ton of police cars and fire trucks.

It was a rear end collision too…….

 

That’s just weird

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The other night, a gang unit came on the radio saying they were trying to stop a person on a bike who was trying to get away from them. I was close by and got there a moment after the suspect was caught.

When I arrived, the helicopter directed me into the alley where the officers were. I saw a Honda stopped facing eastbound and a police car behind it. There was also a BMX bicycle on its side.

One of the gang cops pointed to the Honda and told me the suspect broke off its passenger side mirror when he hit the car. After the collision, the suspect left the bike and fled on foot. That’s when they caught him.

The bicycle rider was the hit and run suspect? That’s a new one.

The victim was standing next to his car and I went to get his information for the report. Instead of a driver’s license, I got a blank look because he didn’t have one.

This call was already weird enough with the hit and run suspect being a guy on a bike. You might as well throw in another guy with no license to make it interesting. Maybe a circus was in town and we could have clowns too.

After I was done with the driver, I wrote down the suspect’s information. A record check showed he had a valid driver’s license.

What?

So, let me get this straight. The hit and run dude on a bike had a driver’s license, but the guy driving the car didn’t????

Weird, right?

Weird is actually pretty normal for me at work. I wouldn’t expect anything else.

You just can’t make this stuff up.