What fire hydrant?

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A week ago my sergeant sent me an email about a traffic complaint received on our department’s Facebook page. The complaint was about illegally parked cars in a certain neighborhood at night.

It was about 11:45PM on Thursday night when I cruised by to see what I could find. It took about five seconds before I saw what the problem was. It didn’t matter if the curb was red or if there was a fire hydrant. It was total anarchy with cars everywhere. No wonder there was a complaint.

I found the first fire hydrant with a car parked in front of it and called a tow truck. Once that car was gone, I drove to a different spot and found another hydrant that was blocked. After that car was towed, I drove 50 yards and found the next blocked fire hydrant.

It was a fire hydrant hat trick.

After I was done with the third car, I drove by the fire hydrant where I found the first car and guess what I saw?

Yep! Someone else was parked in front of it. Tow truck number 4 please. It’s the fire hydrant that keeps on giving.

She said turn left!

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The other night I responded to a single vehicle traffic collision where a car struck a fire hydrant. The driver, who was in his early 20s, told me he was driving down the street when his navigation told him to turn left.

“Siri told you to turn left?” I asked.

“No, Google maps.”

I noticed he had made a sharp left turn where the collision occurred and asked, “Was she yelling at you to turn?”

He let out a laugh and an embarrassed look as he said, “No.”

I imagined Siri yelling at him saying, “Turn left! Turn left now. Turn left or I’m going to kill you!” That would be the only reason why he turned the way he did. After my silly thought I said,  “At least no one was hurt. Do you know who Larry H. Parker is?”

“No.”

“Pull your phone out and Google him,” I said.

The driver pulled his phone out with a weird look on his face. One of the officers said, “He’ll fight for you.”

I laughed because I knew that was their motto for the commercials. They had been on TV since I was a kid and I had heard it a million times. The driver looked at us like he had no idea what we were talking about.

He typed in “Larry H. Parker” and hit send. I stood next to him as he clicked on the website. He started scrolling through the site and pointed like he found a prize as he said, “We’ll fight for you.”

“See I told you. They’ll fight for you.”

That’s just one of a long list of TV mottos that I bring up on calls all the time to get people to laugh.

I probably  watched too much TV as a kid…..