The cat did it


One thing you hear every so often is the old “an animal ran out in front of me” excuse. Yes, I realize cats and dogs have a death wish, but a parked car is always involved when our four-legged friends are blamed. It’s funny how there’s never a witness around when this happens.

Then there’s the “my steering wheel locked up” excuse. Of course, a parked car is always the victim when this happens too. And once again, no one is ever around.

A few weeks ago, I responded to a crash at 1:30AM where four parked cars were struck. When I arrived, the officer on scene told me the driver was 18 years old and not DUI.

I replied, “Let me guess. A dog ran out in front of him?”

“No, a cat. He also said his steering wheel locked up.”

Oh boy.  A cat and a locked steering wheel on the same call? Was it Friday the 13th also?

I prepared myself for a tall tale and asked the driver what happened. The driver told me he was going 10 miles per hour when the cat dashed out in front of him heading southbound. I was on the edge of my seat when he courageously swerved (spectacular movie music in the background) to miss the cat. That’s when his steering wheel mysteriously locked up at that very moment and he crashed into the parked cars on the wrong side of the road.

I was breathless, intrigued and aghast at the cat and this incredible story. That’s when I asked, “What color was the cat?”

“It was black.”

Of course, it was a black cat. An orange cat with stripes and white tipped paws would never dash out in front of a car at 1:30AM.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

“It wasn’t me”

Our cat’s name is Jasper and she has a thing for straws. We have no idea when her infatuation for straws started, but if one is out, she’ll get it. Once she has a straw, she’ll carry it around the house in her mouth. We think she’s part dog.

Yesterday, I went to the drive-thru to get some food at my daughter’s request. Right before we left, the cashier handed me three straws. We went home and I put them on the kitchen table.

My daughter and I ate and used two of the straws for our drinks. My son was at school at the time so I I left one straw on the table. After I was done eating I left to pick him up.

When we got home I told him about the food and where his drink and straw were. A minute later my son told me there wasn’t a straw on the table.

“We brought you a straw. It’s on the table,” I told him.

“I looked. It’s not there.”

I walked over to the table and looked for it because I assumed he was being lazy. I looked everywhere, but there was no straw. Where could it be? That’s when I heard the cat doing something around the corner.

I walked to the family room and guess what I found? The cat looking at me with an innocent look and my son’s straw on the floor.

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