“He ran me over!”

Posted on February 17, 2016 by Badge415

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Just when I thought I’d seen it all.

The other night I went to a crash involving a pedestrian and a vehicle, which normally isn’t that big of a deal, except this one had a twist.

When I got to the call, the victim was being put inside the ambulance. I jumped inside and asked, “What happened?”

The man, who was homeless, was about 40 years old. He had an unkempt looking beard and smelled like he hadn’t had a bath in weeks. He also smelled like he’d been drinking beer all day long.

He told me about lying down in the parking lot and putting his head on the curb like it was a concrete pillow.

There was car parked parallel to the curb just south of where he was resting. A guy got into the driver seat and started the engine. At this point, it would’ve been a good idea to move, but he didn’t.

That’s when he said, “He ran me over!”

Now, it’s not every day you hear someone say that, so I tried to keep a straight face as I asked, “Where did the car run you over at?”

“Look at my leg. It doesn’t look like the other one.”

He was wearing pants but one leg was definitely bigger than the other. The victim said, “The guy was drinking.”

“How do you know?”

“We’re street people. We know these things.”

You just can’t make this stuff up.

She was dumb

Posted on February 12, 2016 by Badge415

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Tonight, this woman had been stopped on a side street and wanted to make a left turn onto a busy street with a 40 mph speed limit. She started to turn and then stopped in the middle of the intersection when she saw cars coming from one direction. That’s when she got hit by a car coming from the opposite direction.

After I was done with the interviews she asked me who was at fault. I told her she had caused the accident by failing to yield to the other vehicle. Her face got serious as she clenched her jaw and squinted her eyes. Oh boy.

She said, “He saw me. He should’ve stopped.”

I pointed out that she was the one who got in the way when she pulled out in front of the car.I tried explaining it to her, but she didn’t want to hear it. All she could say was, “He should’ve been driving defensively.”

I almost laughed when I heard that. I surely would’ve choked if I had been drinking something at that moment.

Was this woman for real? I knew this was probably the dumbest thing I had heard all week. In fact, I think my IQ score dropped a few points just from hearing that.

At this point, all she wanted to do was argue. She had already made up her mind and there was nothing I could do to change it. That’s when I told her we were done talking about it.

The woman turned toward her damaged and uninsured vehicle as she walked away like a pouting child. She looked at her male passenger and said, “I don’t know why I’m a citizen of this country.”

Really? No one is keeping you here……

Now that was really the dumbest thing I had heard all week. I didn’t think it was possible she could top her previous comment, but she did.

I turned toward my friend Miguel and said, “She’s definitely going to make the blog.”

Give me $25

Posted on February 1, 2016 by Badge415

You never know what you’re going to see when driving around on patrol. The other night, I was driving down the street when I saw a car with the word “STOP” mounted on the rear window.

When the car slowed down, its regular red stop lamps came on like normal. A blue lighted “STOP” also came on. Even though it was kind of funny to see, a blue light is not allowed on a car.

I activated my lights and stopped the vehicle. I walked up to the driver and said, “I stopped you because of the blue light you have in the window.” I went on to explain why the blue light was illegal on the vehicle.

“Okay officer. I can discount connect it right now.”

“Do you have a driver’s license?” I asked.

“Yes,” the driver said as he reached into his wallet and showed me. That’s when the driver pointed to his back window and said, “I have a red one I can put on instead.”

“Okay. A red light will work.” I found it interesting he had different colors on demand. What other lighting fixtures did he have with him?

The driver then said, “Give me $25 for this one and you can have it.”

“No, that’s okay,” I replied.

“Come on officer. Just give me $25 for the light.”

“No, I don’t need it.”

“Just $25.”

His pleading voice was begging me to buy it from him. The car stop turned weird at that moment. If just goes to show that you never know what people are going to say at work.

Silly stories and the tales people tell

Posted on January 27, 2016 by Badge415

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It always cracks me up when someone tries to report their car stolen after the vehicle was already involved in a hit and run. It’s funny because they think they’re the most original person in the world by coming up with this idea. It’s also funny because their story is never as good they thought it was going to be.

This was the case two weeks ago when a person thought they were smarter than they really were. This particular guy prepared his story about as well as a midget playing in an NBA basketball game. It was just plain awkward and didn’t work out so well.

He called to report his car stolen about an hour after the collision occurred. He claimed he went to the grocery store to buy lottery scratchers and left his keys in the car. When he came out the car was gone.

I’m sure there are plenty of people who buy lottery scratchers at the grocery store, but I bet their car wasn’t “stolen” and then involved in a crash.

After I heard the lottery ticket excuse I asked, “Where are the lottery tickets you bought?” This guy drove miles out of his way for a special lottery ticket trip. He had to have the tickets on him, right?

He was surprised by the question and then said he didn’t buy them because the line was too long. How dumb is that? I guess he didn’t think that far ahead.

When have your ever seen a long line for scratchers? It wasn’t like he was buying a Power Ball lottery ticket when the jackpot was over a billion dollars. It was just a scratcher.

The story fell apart even more after an officer interviewed two women the guy knew. They were honest and had nothing to hide. Their story showed he was a liar.

After speaking with the women, his story looked like Swiss cheese because there were so many holes in it. In the end, I told him we weren’t taking a stolen vehicle report.

It was a lot of work, but the victim of the crash and the insurance company deserved a complete investigation. More importantly, the guy needed to know his lies didn’t fool us.

Nice try buddy, but you can’t Jedi Mind Trick a Jedi Master.

Let me see your wallet

Posted on January 25, 2016 by Badge415

On Friday afternoon I saw a guy stopped across the intersection for a red light. When the light turned green, the cars next to him went, but he didn’t.

The intersection wasn’t that big, so I was able to see him looking down. There was also a line of cars behind him that couldn’t go because he was still stopped. He finally looked up and started to go. As he drove through the intersection he passed within a few feet of me. It was still daylight and I could see him holding his phone as he looked at it.

He wasn’t paying attention to anything around him, including the police car. I made a U-turn and stopped him.

When I walked up to the car I asked, “Where’s your phone?” He reached under the seat and pulled it out. That was funny because he took a while to pull over. I guess shoving the phone under the seat was the best idea he had at the moment.

I next asked him for his license and told him why I stopped him. He admitted to being the phone, which was refreshing. It was actually nice to hear someone tell the truth and I appreciated it.

The driver reached into his back pocket and pulled out a white plastic looking wallet. From where I was standing it looked like the type of wallet my daughter had when she was 5 years old.

I watched his hands as he opened it up. There was something odd about the way he maneuvered his hands. It was like he didn’t want me to see something.

After he handed me his license I pointed to the wallet and said, “Turn that over.” The driver looked up with pleading eyes like he didn’t want to. He then slowly turned it over and revealed a picture of Felix the Cat.

“Felix the Cat?” I asked. He didn’t say anything. He only sat there with an embarrassed look on his face. Maybe it was because he was 30 years old.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket as I said, “I have to take a picture of that.”

He squinted his eyes as he asked, “You’re going to take a picture of it?”

I already knew this was going to make the blog because I had never seen an adult with a kid’s wallet on a car stop. “Sure, why not?” I said. “Plus, I’m not going to give you a ticket if I take the picture..” He realized how good an idea the picture was and held it up.

I’m sure he’ll remember me the next he wants to text and drive. Maybe he’ll keep his eyes on the road instead.

Can I call you Frank?

Posted on January 20, 2016 by Badge415

Photo courtesy of Pinterest

One of the funniest things to do at work is to say random things while on calls just for the heck of it. Most of the time it’s just something that pops into my head and I go with it.

A few years ago, I responded to a hit and run collision where a parked vehicle was struck by a car that rolled over. The call information indicated the suspect ran away, but was caught one street north of the collision scene. When I got there, I saw the driver siting on the curb with other officers, who were standing by.

The driver was about 30 years old and was barefoot. I was impressed he was able to run that far with no shoes after climbing out of an overturned car. He was obviously really motivated to get away. His feet were black and filthy from his sprint to freedom. It was going to take a month to get those little piggies clean.

I walked up to him and said, “Hi. You look like the guy who sits on the wall from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.”

He looked down at his feet and started laughing because he knew which guy I was talking about. At least he had been to Disneyland land to understand my joke. That’s when I knew I could do the name game with him.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Bill,” he replied.

With a straight face I asked, “Do you mind if I call you Frank?”

The man, who was DUI, paused for a moment and then smiled as he raised his arms in the air and said, “You can call me anything you want.”

“OK Frank. Tell me what happened.”

Frank went on to tell me how the crash happened and was eventually arrested for DUI. He took everything in stride and was as nice as could be about the entire thing.

You just never know what kind of reaction you’re going to get when you ask to call someone by their wrong name. The answer is sometimes priceless.

Too much information (T.M.I.)

Posted on January 17, 2016 by Badge415

_DSC4559-2 I love the things that come out of people’s mouths at traffic collisions. It’s like they stepped into a world where the rules of privacy and too much information don’t exist.

On Friday night, I was at an injury collision at 2AM, involving a woman who had been drinking. During the interview, I asked her where she was coming from. The driver replied, “From my AA meeting.”

That in itself was funny. How could it get any better than that? Well, she didn’t disappoint. A few minutes later, the firefighter asked the woman if she was sick or injured. In a very loud voice she said, “I have a yeast infection.”

I almost burst out laughing at that, but I held it in. Her husband was standing next to us when she said that and stepped forward as he looked at her. The husband loudly said, “T.M.I! T.M.I!

Now I really had to hold it in as I asked the husband to walk away so I could get some information from him. While we spoke, I did everything I could to not smile. I even had to turn away from him. At one point I gave up and told him, “That was funny.”

It’s not every day a DUI driver with a yeast infection crashes while coming from an alcoholic anonymous meeting. It was like a perfect storm of twisted humor and mishaps.

You never know what’s going to happen next in this wacky world called police work.

Do you know the name of your passengers?

Posted on January 4, 2016 by Badge415

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The other night a two-man patrol car asked for a follow up on a car stop they had just made. I wasn’t far from the stop and headed that way. When I arrived up, I saw their patrol car in the middle of a narrow and old looking street. A beat up looking white car was pulled over.

As I walked up, the officer pointed to a gun on the trunk of his car and asked, “Does that look real?”

It was actually a pellet gun that looked like a semi-auto handgun. It looked like the real deal for sure. The driver had it under his seat at the time of the stop. Of course, he claimed he didn’t know it was there and said it belonged to his father and brother. After I looked at the gun I went to stand by with the driver and engaged him in small talk.

“What’s your name?”

The driver, who was sitting on the curb and in his early 20s said, “Frank.”

We talked about where he lived and what he did for work. I also asked him about the gun. After a few minutes I pointed to one of his passengers, who was sitting on the curb and asked, “What’s his name?”

Frank put his hands behind him on the ground as he leaned back to look at the guy. His jaw clenched slightly and his eyes squinted as he looked back at me and said, “I don’t know.”

“Really? How long have you known him?

“Two weeks.”

“How can you have some dude in your car and not know his name? How do you know him?”

“He comes around.”

“You mean he comes around like a cat?”

Frank smiled at that and said, “No. I just know him from around.”

“What about the other guy?”

Frank looked over at the other passenger and said, “Ah, Larry or something.”

“How long have you known Larry or something?”

“Almost two years.”

Here’s the funny thing. I didn’t get the feeling he was being dishonest. Those were just his answers because he really didn’t know their names. Most regular people know the names of their passengers, but not out here on the streets.

When you’re driving around a rundown neighborhood with a fake gun under the seat and trying to sell a laptop, people’s names aren’t that important to these guys. It’s just the way it’s always been.

The funny things people say

Posted on December 28, 2015 by Badge415

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People sometimes say the funniest things at traffic collisions. That was the case one night years ago when I was sent to an injury collision where a Chevy Tahoe rolled down an embankment.

When I pulled up, there was a woman already in the ambulance with a broken nose. There were a couple of passengers with minor injuries standing with officers, who were writing their information down. The driver, a male in his 20s, was with another officer. Someone came up to me and said, “He’s HBD,” meaning he had been drinking.

I walked down the sidewalk and looked over the edge to where the vehicle was. The Tahoe had rolled down the hill a couple of times and came to rest on its roof in the playground area of a daycare center. There was a crushed jungle gym underneath it that now resembled a pancake. At least the daycare closed at the time.

I walked up to the driver and asked, “What happened?”

He said, “I was turning and lost control. I hit the curb and we rolled over.”

I could tell he had been drinking and asked, “How many beers did you have tonight?”

“Just two.”

“Two? I said with a raised eyebrow. “Come on man. I can smell it on you from over here?”

The driver pointed to his passengers and said, “It’s because their beer spilled on me when we crashed.”

It’s one of the best DUI remarks ever.

I’ll wait for another ride

Posted on December 18, 2015 by Badge415

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Last night I responded to a hit and run crash involving an SUV, that was disabled in the road. When I arrived, it was turned the wrong way and blocking a lane. It’s right rear tire had been torn from the vehicle and was in the street blocking another lane. The crash also ripped off the rear bumper and tossed it aside like an old toy on Christmas morning. The driver was standing on the sidewalk with two car seats next to her.

She told me, “I was in the intersection when I saw the car coming right at me.”

The suspect vehicle went through a red light and hit the victim on the right rear wheel and bumper area, causing it to spin out of control. Her two small children were in the back seat at the time. The driver said, “I thought we were going to roll over.”

It was amazing they were not injured. This crash could’ve been worse.

After I was done with the interview, I handed her a card with the report number on it. I wished her luck and told her to call her insurance company. She thanked me as she watched her vehicle get dragged up onto a flatbed tow truck. She told me she only had liability insurance, which meant she was out of luck because this SUV was going to car heaven a week before Christmas.

She shook her head as she said, “I have no money to fix this.”

As I walked back to my car another officer pointed to her rear bumper, which was still in the street. I glanced down at it, but I wasn’t sure what he wanted to me look at. That’s when he pointed at a sticker on the bumper that said, “If you ride with me, be prepared to die with me.”

That’s not the type of sticker that I want on my car. That’s just asking for trouble from the car accident gods.

Remind me to never to get a ride from this woman or be on the same airplane with her.