Was there a boom?

Posted on August 14, 2016 by Badge415

The other night I was at a two-car crash where one of the drivers was a Mandarin speaker. Her friend, who was a woman in her 40s, responded to assist with translation.

We did the interview and I went to speak with the other driver. After I was done, I had to go back to the Mandarin speaker to ask a follow up question. The translator asked my question and the driver started speaking rapidly as she answered. At one point during her answer she said, “Boom.”

I looked at the translator and said, “Yeah, whatever she said and I got the boom part.”

The translator then said something about the crash being a “boom boom.”

“I wasn’t talking about the boom boom. Just the boom,” I said as a joke.

In accented English the translator said, “You’re on-duty right now. You can’t talk about the boom boom. After you get off duty, then you can talk about the boom boom.”

The other officer and I burst into laughter. I almost had tears in my eyes.

You just never know when the Boom Boom is going to come up.

She Whipped him

Posted on August 13, 2016 by Badge415

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The other night I was sitting in my patrol car in the parking lot of the police department when a call went out over the radio about a family disturbance involving a woman with a whip.

I said, “I gotta see this,” and headed toward the call.

I arrived in the area and saw a woman with long hair running southbound across the street. I drove up and told her to stop. She stopped and started screaming at the top of her lungs. She wasn’t mad at me. She just had major issues. She was like a cavewoman with wild and unkempt hair and a heavy metal t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. For a moment I thought I was sent back to the 1980s like Marty Mcfly in Back to the Future.

I told her to sit down on the curb and I noticed a USB cable in her hand. I looked at the cable and wondered how that could have been mistaken for a whip.

“That’s it?” I told myself. It was like going to the ice parlor on a hot summer day and finding out the building had just burned down.

The woman was eventually arrested and I went to another call a little disappointed there was no whip. That’s not something you see every day unless it’s an Indiana Jones movie.

Later on I spoke to the handling officer and told him about USB cable.

“Oh, there was a whip,” he replied.

“There was?” I asked.

“It was a horse whip,” he said.

Well, that certainly made the story interesting again. I guess the ice cream parlor hadn’t burned down after all.

I still don’t know why they had the whip in the house, but lets just give a head nod and leave it at that.

You just never know how a call is going to whip into shape.

Do a rap for me

Posted on August 9, 2016 by Badge415

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One night I was working a patrol car shift instead of my normal traffic assignment when I was dispatched to a disturbance call at a house. When I arrived, I spoke with the owner of the house, who was Caucasian, tall and in his late 60s. He had some mental issues and was a handful to talk with at first.

After the call was handled we were about to leave when he said, “I have a recording studio here and I’m going to release a rap album.”

I’m sure most people would’ve said, “Okay” and left. But if you know me, this was too good to pass up. I stopped in my tracks and said, “Do a rap for me.”

The man was sitting in a lawn chair in the front yard and was more than happy to show us what he could do. With a smile on his face he started rapping something off the top of his head. It didn’t make sense, but he rhymed.

He went on for almost a minute before stopping with a satisfied look on his face. I pointed to a small wall and said, “I’m going to sit down. Do another.” I walked over to the retaining wall and had a seat.

Without missing a beat, he started on his second rap of the night. He went on for another minute or so with his rhyming nonsense. It was hilarious to watch because he was totally into it. I was actually impressed.

When he was done I held up a fist and said, “Give me knuckles.”

The “rapper” put up his hand and gave me a fist bump.

You just never know when you’re going to meet an elderly rapper on a disturbance call in the middle of the night.

He needed a breath of fresh air

Posted on August 8, 2016 by Badge415

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On Wednesday night I responded to a non-injury collision that occurred in a parking lot. When I arrived, I contacted the driver and the woman, who was the owner of the parked car that was hit.

I asked the driver, “Do you have a license?”

“No, it’s expired.”

“How long has it been expired?”

The driver looked up in the air like he was trying to remember. He then said, “Over ten years.”

“Wow. So we’re talking at least two presidents ago?”

“Probably Clinton,” he said with a smile.

“Clinton? Why haven’t you gone to get your license back?”

“I work a lot,” he replied.

Oh brother. I’m the regular police. Not the lame excuse police.

After I was done speaking with the driver I went over to the owner of the parked car. She walked up to me and said, “My father is getting restless.”

WTF?

With squinted eyes, I looked at the woman as sarcastic comments flew through my head. I kept my thoughts to myself and decided to ask her about the collision instead. I took her statement and gave her a report number.

She then had to wait a few more minutes for us to write the driver and insurance information on the report form. That’s when she again said, “My father is getting restless.”

I heard her and just ignored it. We were going as fast as we could to get them out of there. I was looking at the report form when she said, “I have to take him home to change his oxygen tank.”

Wow. I didn’t see that one coming. For some reason that was funny to hear. Good thing I didn’t say anything. I also made a mental “right click and delete sarcastic comments” note in my head.

It turned out her father was almost 80 years old. Too bad she didn’t tell me about the oxygen tank sooner.

It would’ve breathed new air into the situation.

He popped his what?

Posted on August 5, 2016 by Badge415

The other night, I was driving the down the street when I decided to pull a car over for a lighting violation. I put my overheads on and the vehicle started to slow down.

As it pulled to the curb, it seemed like the driver didn’t know what to do. Instead of stopping, the vehicle kept going and turned abruptly into a parking lot.

After the vehicle stopped, I walked up to door and asked the driver, who was about 18 years old, for his license. The driver was nervous as he tried to get his license out of his wallet. When he finally got it out he said, “I’m nervous. This is the first time I have ever been stopped.”

“I’m a lot of people’s first,” I said hoping he’d get my joke.

The driver smiled and said, “You popped my cherry.”

OMG. That had to be one of the funniest things I’d ever heard on a car stop. I laughed and handed him back his license as I said, “That was funny.” I then waved at him and walked away.

You just never know what people are going to say at work.

He’s freaking weird

Posted on July 5, 2016 by Badge415

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Have your ever had a conversation that left you saying “WTF?”

The other night I was at a crash when the tow truck driver pointed down the street and asked, “Do you remember the crash where the car went through the wall?”

“You mean the fatal?”

“Yeah.”

“I remember it, but I wasn’t working that night.”

With a look of lust the driver tow driver said, “She had a nice ass. What a waste.”

“Who? The dead woman?” I replied.

“Yeah.”

“How did you see her? Was she still in the car?”

“No, she was in the street.”

“Didn’t she get ejected?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re saying the dead woman had a nice ass?” I replied with sarcasm.

“She had a nice ass. What a waste,” he said as he shook his head.

I was speechless. That was the fart in the elevator moment that killed the conversation. There was no where to go after that.

As the tow truck drove away, I knew that tow truck man had just achieved Badge415 blog status. Who says that? What a weird MOFO.

You just never know what people are going to say and you can’t make this stuff up.

She ripped him off

Posted on June 28, 2016 by Badge415

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On Saturday night, I was sitting in my car when I heard dispatch say, “The RP (reporting party) paid for sex and didn’t get any. He wants to report prostitution activity.”

Who calls the police about that?

Now, that’s not something you hear on the radio everyday! I was one block away from the call and decided to head over there to see what the story was. Before I drove away, I typed to one of the responding units and said, “I gotta see this.”

When I arrived at the motel, I parked near the front office. It was a two-story building that was at least 30 years old and stood in the shadow of the huge hotels across the street.

My friend Sean arrived about the same time. As he got out of his car he said, “I thought you were kidding when you said you had to see this.”

Another officer went into the office and spoke to the clerk about the room in question. While we waited, I asked, “Where’s the guy who called?”

“It was a refused RP,” Sean said.

“Damn.”

That was disappointing to hear. That was part of the reason why I went. Since I was already there I decided to have a little fun with dispatch. I keyed the microphone and asked, “Did the RP say if they had a receipt?”

There was a pause as the dispatcher asked me, “10-9,” which is radio code for repeat.

“Did the RP say if they had a receipt for the transaction?”

“The RP was refused.”

It was worth the attempt at humor because we laughed on the call. After that we went to motel room. As we walked up the stairs we passed tired looking tourist and I wondered if they had any idea about the prostitute who was ripping people off down the hall from them. I guess that’s the sort of thing that makes a vacation interesting for some people.

Of course, there was no answer at the door. Maybe it was our uniforms or the fact that we didn’t know the secret door knock. Since there was no answer it was time to move on to another call.

As I drove away I thought how funny it would be to put an add on Craigslist about the room. The add could have the motel’s address and the prostitute’s room number with a little warning like, “The cops already know about this place.”

I bet that would put a dent on business. Oh, the things you wish you could do……

Who did you shoot at?

Posted on June 21, 2016 by Badge415

On Sunday night I was working a patrol shift with my partner Eric when we were sent to a “check the welfare” call. A man called the police wanting us to check on his 7 year old son because his ex was supposedly not home. It was 1:30AM and we suspected there was more to the story.

We drove around the corner and met a male, who was about 40 years old, in a parking lot. He got out of his vehicle and told me a brief story about why he called the police. Since it was 1:30AM, I wanted to know more about him and his relationship with his ex before I knocked on her door at this time of night.

During our conversation he told me his ex had a restraining order against him. I asked him why, but he never really told me. He then said I could look up his criminal record if I wanted. Since he brought it up I asked, “What have you been arrested for?”

“Shooting into a dwelling.”

“Why did you shoot into a house?”

“It wasn’t a house. It was a car.”

“Was someone in the car when you shot at it?”

“Yeah, my sister’s boyfriend?”

“Did he get shot?”

“No.”

“How much time did you get?”

“I got five months.”

“That’s not bad for trying to kill someone, ” I joked.

“I wasn’t trying to kill him.”

Who was this guy trying to kid? It’s not normal to shoot up a car when someone you know is sitting it in.

“Is the guy still with your sister?” I asked.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t come around.”

I couldn’t resist and said, “Well, that’s because she’s afraid you’re going to shoot at him again.”

I have a feeling there was a reason for that restraining order….. You just can’t make this stuff up.

Thinking outside the box

Posted on June 20, 2016 by Badge415

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The other day I went to a robbery call at 8:45AM at a small apartment complex on the south side of the city. When I arrived, there were two officers already speaking to the victim.

It was hot already, so we moved under a tree for some shade. That’s when the officer asked, “What was taken?”

The woman, who was in her mid-40s, said, “My coboodle box.”

Her caboodle what?

There was a moment of silence as all three of us looked at each other. Obviously we didn’t know what she was talking about.

“What is that?” Asked the officer.

“It’s a caboodle box,” she said. When we didn’t answer she looked at us in disbelief. “You guys don’t know what that is?”

All three of us shook out heads.

“It’s my stripper box,” she said.

That’s when I took my phone out and said, “I’m going to Google it.”

I did my search and found what I was looking for. I clicked on “images” and turned my phone toward the woman and asked if that was what she was taking about.

“That’s it, except mine is decorated,” she proudly said. “I’ve had my caboodle box for 23 years.”

Wow, I bet her box has a lot of stories to tell.

Picasso and his ice cream

Posted on June 15, 2016 by Badge415

The other night, I responded to a crash and found a car in them middle of the intersection with front end damage and fluid splashed everywhere. There was a man, a woman and a dog from the crashed car waiting at the corner.

The woman, who was in her 20s, was injured and was sitting on the curb with her dog Picasso. He was small and had fur as white as snow. Even though his fur was white, I noticed his head had a Pepto Bismol pink tint to it.

Was this a new doggie hair style? I had to ask his owner.

It turned out Picasso and his owners went out for a snack that night. He got his own cup of vanilla ice cream, which he enjoyed in the backseat of the car. His owner was in the front passenger seat with a large bowl of strawberry ice cream.

That’s when a truck made a left turn in front of them and they broadsided it. The strawberry ice flew into the air and got everywhere, including on Picasso.

Poor Picasso got a double whammy that night. He was in a car accident and got a strawberry ice shower at the same time. In all my years of working traffic, this was my first case of a dog with a pink hairdo from flying ice cream.

Thanks for the pictures Picasso.