You might be an idiot if……

On Saturday night I walked into 7-11 (The NSUB for North Substation) to use the microwave. I noticed a woman in a short black dress standing by the beer cooler as she looked my way with a weird look on her face. There was a man with his back to me next to the coffee counter, which was across from the cooler.

I put my dish in the microwave and noticed the woman, who was in her mid-twenties, still looking at me the same weird look. What was up with her?

Since 7-11 has been locking the beer coolers and opening them up for customers, I assumed she was waiting for the clerk. I then walked to the bathroom while my food heated up.

After I was done, I took my dish out of the microwave and put it on the counter. That’s when the clerk confronted the man, who originally had his back to me.

There was a piece of fruit on the floor and the clerk pointed to it as he said, “You ate that without paying.”

The other clerk walked up with the empty plastic bowl, which was at the coffee counter where the guy was standing when I saw him.

I looked at the drunk knucklehead and asked, “Did you eat that?”

With a nervous low voice he said, “No.”

The clerk shook his head and said, “I saw him.”

“Did you eat that without paying?” I asked again.

“Yeah.”

He pulled out a hundred dollar bill and replied, “I’ll pay for it.”

What an original idea.

He picked the wrong 7-11 to be dumb in. This 7-11 has cops coming and going more frequently than arrivals and departures at the airport.

In fact, I’ve spent more time in this 7-11 than some new cops have time on the job.

Remember Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if” routine? That routine can also be used in police work.

“You might be an idiot if you steal from our favorite 7-11.”

“You might be an idiot if you’re eating something without paying for it when a cop walks in.”

“You might be an idiot if you lie and think it’s okay to go inside that particular 7-11 and act stupid.”

You can’t make this stuff up.