He’s freaking weird

Posted on July 5, 2016 by Badge415

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Have your ever had a conversation that left you saying “WTF?”

The other night I was at a crash when the tow truck driver pointed down the street and asked, “Do you remember the crash where the car went through the wall?”

“You mean the fatal?”

“Yeah.”

“I remember it, but I wasn’t working that night.”

With a look of lust the driver tow driver said, “She had a nice ass. What a waste.”

“Who? The dead woman?” I replied.

“Yeah.”

“How did you see her? Was she still in the car?”

“No, she was in the street.”

“Didn’t she get ejected?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re saying the dead woman had a nice ass?” I replied with sarcasm.

“She had a nice ass. What a waste,” he said as he shook his head.

I was speechless. That was the fart in the elevator moment that killed the conversation. There was no where to go after that.

As the tow truck drove away, I knew that tow truck man had just achieved Badge415 blog status. Who says that? What a weird MOFO.

You just never know what people are going to say and you can’t make this stuff up.

She ripped him off

Posted on June 28, 2016 by Badge415

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On Saturday night, I was sitting in my car when I heard dispatch say, “The RP (reporting party) paid for sex and didn’t get any. He wants to report prostitution activity.”

Who calls the police about that?

Now, that’s not something you hear on the radio everyday! I was one block away from the call and decided to head over there to see what the story was. Before I drove away, I typed to one of the responding units and said, “I gotta see this.”

When I arrived at the motel, I parked near the front office. It was a two-story building that was at least 30 years old and stood in the shadow of the huge hotels across the street.

My friend Sean arrived about the same time. As he got out of his car he said, “I thought you were kidding when you said you had to see this.”

Another officer went into the office and spoke to the clerk about the room in question. While we waited, I asked, “Where’s the guy who called?”

“It was a refused RP,” Sean said.

“Damn.”

That was disappointing to hear. That was part of the reason why I went. Since I was already there I decided to have a little fun with dispatch. I keyed the microphone and asked, “Did the RP say if they had a receipt?”

There was a pause as the dispatcher asked me, “10-9,” which is radio code for repeat.

“Did the RP say if they had a receipt for the transaction?”

“The RP was refused.”

It was worth the attempt at humor because we laughed on the call. After that we went to motel room. As we walked up the stairs we passed tired looking tourist and I wondered if they had any idea about the prostitute who was ripping people off down the hall from them. I guess that’s the sort of thing that makes a vacation interesting for some people.

Of course, there was no answer at the door. Maybe it was our uniforms or the fact that we didn’t know the secret door knock. Since there was no answer it was time to move on to another call.

As I drove away I thought how funny it would be to put an add on Craigslist about the room. The add could have the motel’s address and the prostitute’s room number with a little warning like, “The cops already know about this place.”

I bet that would put a dent on business. Oh, the things you wish you could do……

Thinking outside the box

Posted on June 20, 2016 by Badge415

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The other day I went to a robbery call at 8:45AM at a small apartment complex on the south side of the city. When I arrived, there were two officers already speaking to the victim.

It was hot already, so we moved under a tree for some shade. That’s when the officer asked, “What was taken?”

The woman, who was in her mid-40s, said, “My coboodle box.”

Her caboodle what?

There was a moment of silence as all three of us looked at each other. Obviously we didn’t know what she was talking about.

“What is that?” Asked the officer.

“It’s a caboodle box,” she said. When we didn’t answer she looked at us in disbelief. “You guys don’t know what that is?”

All three of us shook out heads.

“It’s my stripper box,” she said.

That’s when I took my phone out and said, “I’m going to Google it.”

I did my search and found what I was looking for. I clicked on “images” and turned my phone toward the woman and asked if that was what she was taking about.

“That’s it, except mine is decorated,” she proudly said. “I’ve had my caboodle box for 23 years.”

Wow, I bet her box has a lot of stories to tell.

Picasso and his ice cream

Posted on June 15, 2016 by Badge415

The other night, I responded to a crash and found a car in them middle of the intersection with front end damage and fluid splashed everywhere. There was a man, a woman and a dog from the crashed car waiting at the corner.

The woman, who was in her 20s, was injured and was sitting on the curb with her dog Picasso. He was small and had fur as white as snow. Even though his fur was white, I noticed his head had a Pepto Bismol pink tint to it.

Was this a new doggie hair style? I had to ask his owner.

It turned out Picasso and his owners went out for a snack that night. He got his own cup of vanilla ice cream, which he enjoyed in the backseat of the car. His owner was in the front passenger seat with a large bowl of strawberry ice cream.

That’s when a truck made a left turn in front of them and they broadsided it. The strawberry ice flew into the air and got everywhere, including on Picasso.

Poor Picasso got a double whammy that night. He was in a car accident and got a strawberry ice shower at the same time. In all my years of working traffic, this was my first case of a dog with a pink hairdo from flying ice cream.

Thanks for the pictures Picasso.

I speak 7-Eleven

Posted on June 12, 2016 by Badge415

I stepped into the ambulance and saw a paramedic speaking to a man on the gurney. The gurney was tilted so the man was sitting up. The paramedic told his partner that he was having trouble communicating with the patient.

I sat down on the seat next to the paramedic so I could try and ask the man about the collision. The man, who was in his 30s, was from India and had a red 7-Eleven shirt on. They spoke back and forth for a few seconds as I waited to ask my questions. The paramedic still had the same look on his face while they tried to talk.

That’s when the movie “Airplane” popped into my head. There was a scene where the stewardess was trying to speak with two men who spoke jive. She didn’t understand them and an older woman stepped in and said, “Oh stewardess. I speak Jive.” The scene is funny after all these years.

As a cop, I’ve spent plenty of time inside 7-Eleven. It’s a perfect place to stop and take a break. That also means I’ve spent a lot of time talking with the clerks.

I looked at the paramedic and said, “I speak 7-Eleven.

I jumped in and started asking the patient what happened. Within a minute he told tell me the entire story about not feeling well, his speed, direction of travel and the crash. I looked over at the paramedic and said, “I’ve spent a lot of time inside 7-Eleven.” That made him laugh.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

Here’s another favorite quote from Airplane…….

“A hospital? What is it?”

“It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”

You have to watch the movie if you didn’t get it.

Can I have a chance?

Posted on June 8, 2016 by Badge415

On Monday afternoon, I was stopped at a red light in the far left lane. A woman stepped off the curb and started crossing in the crosswalk. As she neared my car, I glanced over to my right. That’s when I saw a car in the far right lane as it rolled though the red light like it wasn’t there.

Once the woman passed, I put my lights on and went after the car. I stopped the driver, who was 18 years old and asked, “What two reasons do you think I stopped you for?”

“I ran the red light?”

At least he was honest.

“Did you see the woman in the crosswalk?” I asked.

“No.”

“Can I see your license?”

“I left my wallet at home,” he said.

Strike three.

I took out my notepad and asked him for his name and other information. While I was writing down his address he asked, “Can I have a chance? I’ll never do it again.”

It was one of the most insincere things I’d ever heard. That might work on mom, but not me.

“You ran a red light with a woman in the crosswalk and you don’t have your license with you. What do you think is going to happen?”

I continued getting his information when he gave one last ditch effort as he said, “Can I have a chance?”

“Don’t ask again,” I answered as I shook my head. “Why do you keep asking like that?”

“My parents will get mad if I get a ticket,” he replied.

“How old are you?”

“I’m 18.”

“So, you’re a big boy, who is able to make big boy decisions, right?” He nodded. “And you’re also a big boy who can make decisions too, right?” He nodded again.

I explained to him about being a traffic cop and what I’ve seen because of carelessness. He listened and seemed to understand. I next asked, “Now what would you do if I was sitting in the car and you were standing out here?”

He lowered his head and said, “I’d do what you’re doing.”

It turned out he had four violations. After a big brother talk I gave him a break on half of half of them. He signed the ticket and gave me a sincere thank you and a firm handshake.

In the end I said, “I bet you’ll never forget me when you make that right turn again.”

He smiled and said, “No, I won’t.”

That’s just weird

Posted on June 3, 2016 by Badge415

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The other night, a gang unit came on the radio saying they were trying to stop a person on a bike who was trying to get away from them. I was close by and got there a moment after the suspect was caught.

When I arrived, the helicopter directed me into the alley where the officers were. I saw a Honda stopped facing eastbound and a police car behind it. There was also a BMX bicycle on its side.

One of the gang cops pointed to the Honda and told me the suspect broke off its passenger side mirror when he hit the car. After the collision, the suspect left the bike and fled on foot. That’s when they caught him.

The bicycle rider was the hit and run suspect? That’s a new one.

The victim was standing next to his car and I went to get his information for the report. Instead of a driver’s license, I got a blank look because he didn’t have one.

This call was already weird enough with the hit and run suspect being a guy on a bike. You might as well throw in another guy with no license to make it interesting. Maybe a circus was in town and we could have clowns too.

After I was done with the driver, I wrote down the suspect’s information. A record check showed he had a valid driver’s license.

What?

So, let me get this straight. The hit and run dude on a bike had a driver’s license, but the guy driving the car didn’t????

Weird, right?

Weird is actually pretty normal for me at work. I wouldn’t expect anything else.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

It was like a movie

Posted on June 1, 2016 by Badge415

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Do you remember the old Twilight Zone episode when William Shatner saw a monster ripping up the wing on the airplane he was on? I was on a call recently that reminded me of that episode.

A man, who I’ll call Frank, was driving down the freeway when someone opened the passenger door and tried to grab him. Frank tried to shake the guy off the car by swerving back and forth. The person then tried to stab Frank from underneath the car. That’s when he decided to exit the freeway.

The person was still under the car at this point, so Frank drove up onto the concrete median as he tried to get him off. A witness was behind him and described sparks coming out from underneath the car as he did this.

He then ran a red light and crashed into another car at the intersection. After the crash, the person under Frank’s car climbed out and jumped into the trunk of the victim vehicle.

Frank wasn’t DUI. He was just mentally ill. He truly believed someone was trying to get him while he was driving. As he told the story, I said, “That sounds like a movie.” Frank nodded and agreed with me.

In the end, we had to open the truck of the victim car to show Frank there was no one in there.

It was an interesting call for sure. The only thing missing was Arnold Schwarzenegger doing battle with The Predator.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

She got a free ride (twice)

Posted on May 25, 2016 by Badge415

The call came out as a burglary in progress at an apartment complex at 10PM. When I arrived, dispatched advised over the radio that the caller was elderly and had the front door open.

I walked up to the apartment and saw a frail looking woman in her mid-70s standing just inside the door. She had one hand on the wheelchair in front of her for support. The other hand was holding a phone as she spoke to dispatch. The screen door was locked and it took her a long time to move 4 feet to open it for me.

She had called the police because she heard voices outside the door. Her hands were shaking and she moved at slower than a snails pace. We checked all the rooms for her while she stood next to the front door. We were about to leave when she told us she was going to bed.

I looked at the distance from the front door to her bedroom and thought it was going to take her forever to walk back. I looked at a new cop and said, “You should give her a ride in the wheelchair so she doesn’t have to walk that far.”

The officer, who just got off of training, looked at the woman and said, “Ma’am, can I give you a ride in your chair?”

She smiled and sat down in the wheelchair. He turned her around and started pushing her toward her room as she said, “I get a free ride.” I stood at the door as another officer followed to help tuck grandma into bed.

I heard the officers say goodnight to the woman as they left the room. That’s when one of the cops said, “How are we going to lock the door? It’s only a deadbolt.”

We stood there looking at the doorknob with a “WTF” look on our faces. One of the officers said, “Maybe we can climb out the window.”

“Maybe we can lock the deadbolt and slide the key under the door,” said the other officer. He went back to the bedroom and asked the woman where her key was. He then told us, “She doesn’t know where the key is.”

All three of us walked to grandma’s bedroom and told her the bad news about not being able to lock the door. She slowly sat up in bed with great effort. She grabbed ahold of the wheelchair and sat down for her second free ride of the night.

I shot video of the probationary officer as he pushed grandma back to the front door. They both had smiles on their faces.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

She just didn’t believe us

Posted on May 23, 2016 by Badge415

Traffic Control

A few months ago I was at a crash where a woman in her 40s ran a red light and collided into two other cars. After speaking with her I could tell she had major emotional problems. The accident made everything worse because she was driving her mother’s car and she didn’t want to tell her.

After a few minutes she started talking about not wanting to live. I called for a patrol unit to deal with her while I continued to handle the collision investigation part.

Two officers rolled up and spoke to the woman. A few minutes later one of the cops told me she really didn’t want to kill herself. He said she was an emotional wreck and more worried about telling her mother about the car. They helped out by calling mom and breaking the news to her.

When I was done, I walked over to where the woman was. She was still a mess, but things were better now that the officers had calmed her down and spoken to her mom.

I tried to make her feel better by telling her we had all been involved in on-duty crashes before.

She looked at me with a suspicious look and said, “No you haven’t.”

“Yes, I have. One time I hit a house,” I replied.

With a skeptical look she said, “No you didn’t. You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

I pointed to one of the cops and said, “I met him his first day at work when he crashed on his very first call.”

She looked over at him as he said, “I did.”

“No you didn’t. You’re lying.”

“Serious. I did.” he said.

The other cop then said, “I’ve crashed too.”

She squinted her eyes as she said, “You’re making this stuff up.”

No matter how much we told her about our traffic collisions she didn’t believe us. We all wished the stories weren’t true, but they were.

I know it sounds pretty far fetched for a police car to hit a house, but it was true. Maybe a picture of my crashed patrol car in the front yard of that house would’ve made her believe me.

You just can’t make this stuff up.