Number one or number two?

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It was dusk one summer evening when I saw a Starbucks employee franticly waving his arms at my patrol car. I pulled into the parking lot and stopped as the Barista hurried to my window and said, “A customer told me he went into the bathroom and saw a woman sitting on the floor with bottles all around her. I think she’s on drugs.”

“How long has she been in there?”

“I’m not sure. Can you help us out?”

From the way he described it, I figured this was a transient, who locked herself in the restroom with all her worldly possessions. This was not an unusual call, so I assumed the Starbucks guy was legit.

I walked up to the restroom door and knocked. A female voice from behind the door said, “Yes?”

“Police. Starbucks wants you to leave the property,”

“I’m on the toilet,” replied the voice.

“Number one or number two?”

With some hesitation, the woman answered, “Number two.”

“Okay. Go ahead and hurry up because Starbucks wants you to leave.”

About a minute later the toilet flushed and there was the sound of running water from the sink. The door unlocked and the woman opened it slowly.

I expected to see a transient and a mess all over the bathroom floor, but I was surprised to see a normal looking woman come out with a confused look on her face. I looked over at the Starbucks guy with a “WTF” look on my face.

She needed an explanation, so I told her about the trespassing call for service and being flagged down by the employee. She was still confused as she said, “I was waiting for a ride and had to use the bathroom.”

You can’t make this stuff up.

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