Wikipedia defines the Darwin Awards as “individuals who have supposedly contributed to human evaluation by selecting themselves out of the gene pool via death or sterilization by their own actions.”

Today, I saw a guy trying to win his own Darwin Award. I was driving through my neighborhood when I saw a car parked with its right tires up on the sidewalk at the corner with its hood up. As I passed, I noticed a man lying underneath the car with his legs sticking out. There was a slight decline where the car was and there was nothing behind the tires to prevent it from rolling backwards.

I just shook my head and wondered what kind of dumb ass thought this was a good idea. I also wondered if the guy knew how often parked cars get struck by people who aren’t paying attention. I guess self-preservation wasn’t one of his priorities.

I’ve been to so many collisions I wouldn’t even tie my shoe in the street, let alone be on my back under a car in the street.

I cracked up when I saw this because I’m a little twisted. I bet he’s the type of guy who works on his electrical outlets without shutting off the power. He probably sticks a knife into the toaster while it’s still plugged in or looks into a gun barrel with his finger on the trigger.

After I picked up my son from school, I drove by the Darwin house again. My son saw the guy and started laughing as he said, “Oh my God.”

I stopped and took the picture because you can’t make this stuff up. At least the police officer would have a picture of what the scene looked like in case the car was hit and the guy was run over.

Unfortunately, it’s only a matter of time before I take a fatal collision like this. It’s unavoidable. There are too many people in the world performing their own natural selection.

It’s truly amazing what people do to get themselves hurt or killed. Maybe I should start carrying Jesus candles with me in my patrol car. That way they can at least have a memorial when it does happen.

If Charles Darwin were still alive and saw this picture I bet he’d say, “I told you so.”